A Month Into This Lockdown Situation, And I Feel Like I Finally May Be Able To Handle This Better Mentally

A Month Into This Lockdown Situation, And I Feel Like I Finally May Be Able To Handle This Better Mentally

I am extrovert by nature. But under certain circumstances, I can be an introvert. Or whatever ‘vert’ it is that wants to distance from people when she wants to punch them. I consider myself one of the many people who the many sides of their own personality from the best to the worst. In the first week, it was absolutely downhill. I was cranky, annoyed and upset. Must have been an absolute pleasure to have around.  I believe it was pretty normal and to an extent, called for. You see, most of us have been raised in a way where we would never be all that comfortable with change. Be it the fragrance we use, the kind of sheets we sleep in or even the brand of milk we drink, we as humans, want a little bit stability and security. And so, when we were stripped off of it, and thrown into an alternate reality of having to stay at home, we didn’t adjust to it too well. Okay, I didn’t adjust to it well.

Taking the advice of staying indoors a little too personally, I crawled into my cocoon, unwilling to face reality. It was taking it pretty badly. And I won’t lie, it wasn’t all that pretty. Going through all the text book phases during this time, starting from denial and ending at acceptance, the journey was rough. And not knowing when this would end didn’t help it either. Suddenly, rather than evolving into a better version of myself, I saw a devolution in myself. And only recently did I understand how sometimes, taking a step back can actually be a revelation.

Now, after weeks into this sudden state of stagnation, I believe I have finally come to find myself. It didn’t happen overnight, nor did it happen over one single realisation – it took many over these past few days. From learning to accept the surroundings at first, to moving on to accept my reaction to it, it took a considerable amount of work to be in a position where I don’t feel like I am losing my mind anymore.

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Also Read : Yes, Times Are Tough But Here’s 5 Ways To Keep Yourself Positive During This Time. And It Does Not Involve Coffee Or Baking

You see, one of the biggest reasons why I felt instantly disconnected and disheartened was because like everyone else, I too was a creature of habit. Habitual of a certain routine, a certain chaos and of a certain sense of predictability of what our day or life would be like. With all of that taken away in one fell swoop, it took me a while to understand how it was only a matter of time until I find a routine even in this circumstance. And I did.

Embracing the very thing that used to come gnawing at me before, abundance of time, I decided to pull it into my corner and utilise it the best way I could. And I won’t lie, I didn’t do it alone. It took a lot of friends, a persistent editor, supporting parents and a loving dog for me to be able to see that no matter the circumstances or the way I felt, it was all going to be better if I let it.

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Finding solace in little things like completing a set of squats I would earlier abandon due to lack of time, to having evening tea with my parents in the balcony as a calming ritual, everything I did from that point on helped. And the fact that I also realised how I don’t owe anyone perfection during this time or any other, was something that changed my perspective too.

We are in the middle of a pandemic, and if we choose to just survive it as well as we can, we are already doing much better than most. We don’t have to turn it into an opportunity of doing wonders and coming out a champion, because this is the time we take care of ourselves emotionally. So let yourself heal, take your time into coming to terms with it and deal with it the best way you can. Because there is no right or wrong way to come out of it, just as long as you do.

Also Read : 5 Things I Actually Look Forward To, Every Day During This Lockdown

Sadhika Sehgal

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