Why Pillow Talk Is Important To Build Intimacy As A Couple
The best conversations that I have had with bae happened with us lying down – with my head on his arms, and my legs over his. Cuddling under the quilt, we shared a wide range of talks – funny and heartfelt. It is just so relaxing and nice. You’re lying there, without a worry in the world and somehow the conversations just flow like a river, and yet it never gets overwhelming, it’s never flooded. Pillow talk is the term used for conversations you have while lying down, before or after sex, or with no sex in the picture.
My ex who was somehow so averse to pillow talk seemed incredibly inadequate to me, in terms of emotional satisfaction. Often, we take it for granted. Honestly, I never thought about it earlier – I never thought it meant so much. But when I wasn’t getting that in a relationship, the absence just created a void. In fact, being a demisexual, I need the pillow talk before sex to warm up to it. So without the pillow talk, I found it difficult to even get aroused.
I remember lying down next to him, trying to have a pillow talk moment. But unfortunately, he was more interested in browsing stupid things on his phone. At that point, I would have preferred if he was actually flirting with a girl. That is still less humiliating than your partner being more interested in online shopping than cuddling and talking with you. Of course, I found my solace in watching Saavdhan India, which was honestly quite intriguing – at least in comparison to me just watching him buy a mop on Amazon.
At that moment, I realised that without pillow talk, I would just not be content with a partner. Now I am not saying you gotta do it all the time. But sometimes? Thank God I got out of that one. Pillow talk really helps you build your relationship. Here’s how.
We have more intimate and honest conversations post-orgasm
“A recent study showed that women who orgasm tend to self-disclose more post-sex (Denes & Afifi, 2014). They tend to talk more intimately, revealing deeper, more personal information to their partner. Maybe the oxytocin released during sexual activity is a factor in this type of communication,” reports Psychology Today. Pillow talk is often characterised by openness and honesty. You are not afraid to show your vulnerable side and that helps you come closer as a couple.
You bond without distractions
So in a way, couples who talk after sex are those who are high on oxytocin at that point. And that is the hormone responsible for bonding and building trust. You are feeling safe in that space with each other and having conversations that truly help you bond. The best part is there are no distractions. Your phones are away (hopefully), there are no chores to do and the world is asleep or at least your interaction cancels all that noise out.
It’s the perfect opportunity to cuddle
As I said, I had the best conversations lying on the bed with bae and cuddling with him. It’s so thrilling to just be there, in all your vulnerability and sharing a laugh. And then you can break the conversation with a kiss or more and just cuddle the night away. Or maybe let the cuddles lead to round two? Believe me, cuddles are more potent than we give them credit for.
It improves intimacy
All that honest communication, moments of fun while being high on the love hormone leads to much more intimacy than what just sex can create. Sex is not intimacy, it is the loving, kissing, and hugging that leads to intimacy. In fact, most women would really like to have conversations post-sex and without which, we feel a lack of security.
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Ends the day on a positive note
Honestly, if I had a live-in relationship or was married, I would pillow talk every single night. Okay, in an ideal world I would. In a realistic world, several nights I would be too tired and just want to cuddle and pass out. But hey, when I have the energy to converse, I would like to do it with bae, lying down on the bed and in his arms!