5 Signs You Need To Become More Independent In Your Relationship
I have always maintained my individuality even when in a relationship. Yes, couples do tend to become similar over a period of time – in clothes, in habits, in the way we speak. But that’s one thing and losing your independence in a relationship is another. Several women, more than men, tend to do that. So many of my female friends get into a relationship, abandon their social circles, and spend most of their time with their boyfriends. She will invest so much time in hanging out with his friends, booking all her weekends with them, and there she goes, with little to no time left for her own. And you’re not quite happy because even if they are great, you need time with your own, right?
When I went camping with my best friend (who is married) and two of her friends (also married), the place was so beautifully lit. The camp looked romantic, the weather was so pleasant, there was live music and the lighting was so ambient. Now I asked them if they’d like to come here with their husbands because if I had a boyfriend I would love that! But they were like they needed time away from their husbands. Of course, we need time with our girlfriends. However, maybe the solution isn’t that. Maybe the solution is to not make your relationship so co-dependent that it begins to bite! Everyone needs to be a little independent.
We need to be independent even in a relationship because there’s life beyond romantic love. Are you too codependent in your relationship? Here are 5 signs.
You’re always worried about what he will think
Most people have an inner voice but you have your boyfriend/husband talking in your head. Anything you do, you wonder if your partner will be okay with that. Should I say yes to drinks with my colleagues or will he think I am too much of a party person? If I talk about feminism, will he get bored or misunderstand me? Should I not pet my cat because every time I do, he makes the judge-y face?
You need constant validation
You love it when he approves and validates your behaviour. He likes fitness, so you go on lifting weights at the gym, to seem more like what you’re not. He says what a wonderful partner you are when you make sacrifices for him. And that motivates you to do more because you live for those words of appreciation.
You’ve canceled plans because your partner may not like it
I know educated, young women who don’t hang out as much with their girlfriends after marriage. Why? Because their husbands may not like it. Oh, you made a plan with your friends this weekend and didn’t check with him if he’d like to come up with something? You won’t do that because you think it will upset him. The result? Your social life includes his four friends and their partners who are great but not as great as your own friends.
You’ve changed your style according to his tastes
I have been guilty of this too. It’s so natural to want to alter your appearance for someone you like but you mustn’t! You don’t prefer kajal, it’s messy but he says dark eyes suit you. So you go around looking like a panda, as long as you can be his panda. It’s cute for a bit. But eventually, you have to let the honeymoon phase pass and dress in a way that expresses your individuality. Your style is independent of what he wants.
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You have a fear of abandonment
You feel scared – will he leave me if I fight too much? Well, too much is subjective. You’re scared of expressing what upset you, things you don’t like or approve of. You’re always been the fixer, the martyr, the enabler and you forget what you are! Fear of abandonment makes you hold on to him tighter and be less independent! It’s time to be yourself and not a Stepford wife!
