Did You Know, Safe Words Are Important Even Outside The Bedroom?
People believe that safe words are something that only kinky couples use and while that might hold true in some cases, that isn’t entirely true. Safe words go way further than just the bedroom, they represent love, trust and mutual respect and should be used without any shame, whatsoever. Safe words can help you cultivate a better relationship and understand each other’s limits. It has the ability to cultivate romance, in the most unexpected ways.
According to the Urban Dictionary, “A safe word is used to interrupt a scene during sex, mostly in BDSM relationships. Usually, words entirely unrelated to the situation, such as “red, banana, shelf, chair” etc, are used as safe words.”
In a kinky relationship, a safe word is important for both submissive and dominant partners to create a safe and comfortable space for everyone involved. During a BDSM scene, if you feel like your partner might be crossing your limits, hurting you, or simply doing something you like, you can use the safe word and stop the scene right there and move to aftercare. But, these words can also make you understand your partner better, outside the bedroom.
How Can Safe Words Help Outside The Bedroom?
Safewords basically create a clear distinction between when it’s time to mess and play around and when it’s time to calm down and stop. If you’ve watched How I Met Your Mother, then you might know exactly what I’m referring to. Remember the moments when Marshall and Lily would just stop things if they were getting too much by saying ‘pause’? That is the power of a safe word. It disengages the discomfort and gives you time to help each other feel better.
I have personally used safe words in both sexual and non-sexual nature, in a relationship. Every time I and my partner would end up in a fight, I would use our safe word and it would immediately halt the fight, giving us time to cool off and act rationally. In fact, we would now be able to solve problems in a more effective and efficient way. This would not only save our relationship but also, make us appreciate and respect each other more.
Furthermore, Safe words provide a sure-fire way to draw a boundary. Whether you agree or not, I personally believe that having boundaries is an extremely essential secret to a successful relationship. Having that line or boundary respected by your partner feels amazing too, it teaches you how to calm down, create a beautiful safe space and communicate to refresh the love factor. It creates a moment where you can feel heard, valued and appreciated.
How Can You Pick A Safe Word?
It can be a confusing process when it comes to picking a safe word. But, it is totally worth it. When I choose my safe word, I made sure I pick a word that couldn’t possibly be the root cause of a fight. Further, I made sure that it was a word that wasn’t used very often, this can be a very smart thought to keep in mind.
Further, I tried to look for something that we both liked, which would have pleasant memories associated with it. This is why I ended up choosing ‘Shakespeare’. I know it sounds weird but, we both loved literature and had so many brilliant memories associated with Shakespeare classes, it just made perfect sense to me. Similarly, your safe word should make sense to you and your partner, other people really don’t matter in this case.
Safe words are a brilliant idea when it comes to making the best out of your relationship. Use these words to find safe and private moments of love and respect for you and your partner. Good luck with this, I hope it works for you as well as it does for me!