This Woman Will Run 285 Miles In A Wedding Dress To Raise Aware For Narcissistic Domestic Abuse
The thing with these douchebag kinda men is that you instantly know that they will do you no good. Okay, maybe not instantly always; some of these are charming AF (or we have issues!) and we may take time to realise that. However, the most dangerous kind that has infected the dating pool are those with a narcissistic personality. Before you know it, you become a victim of all kinds of abuse!
What makes them so dangerous? They have their way of coming across as the nicest, kindest, sweetest people initially but all they are doing is laying a date trap to get you hooked. Once they have their claws in your heart, the curtains are lifted and you see a side that is highly abusive.
Initially, it starts with small behaviours of utter neglect of your time, feelings, and interests. You let go of some, you fight over some. And almost every time, they tell you they didn’t mean to hurt you. And you think, he loves you so whatever. He did give you queen-like treatment while recruiting you as his devotee, after all.
But gradually, his behaviour keeps getting worse and even when you confront him, he gaslights you like you’re the one being unreasonable. A narcissistic partner is all about manipulation and getting you to believe that you’re not understanding enough. I mean what do you want? Should I take my skin off and make a rug for you to walk on?
Unfortunately, this is the kind of intimate partner violence that often goes unnoticed because most victims have been so manipulated, they themselves aren’t sure.
However, a woman in the US, Vanessa Reiser is raising awareness for narcissistic domestic abuse by running around 300 miles across New York, in a wedding dress! She has herself been a survivor of narcissistic domestic abuse and feels strongly for this cause. Reiser will start on 17th May in Oswego, New York and finish on 29th May in Manhattan. It is a 285 miles journey with around 23 miles per day. That’s equivalent to a marathon a day!
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Why Reiser will run wearing a wedding dress
Reiser told People (the TV Show!), “Narcissistic abuse is an insidious form of domestic violence. Narcissists generally will use the wedding or an engagement as a form of control and manipulation. They entangle you. And so, [the dress] is a representation of how they do that.”
She also shared her personal experience of being engaged to “a diagnosed narcissist sociopath” who had abused his previous partners. “He left me in Cape Cod and then I had to rent a car to get home,” she explains. “He padlocked me out of the house. A few months later, I left him and he spit on me, called me a bunch of really awful names, told me that my dead father was a loser — my father died when I was 18 — and then he bleached all my clothing,” Reiser revealed.
In fact, she said her narcissistic ex-fiancé even tried to get her evicted from the board of the Domestic Violence Center by accusing her of abuse! “There was a lot of pain. I had to stay at my mother’s house for three months. It was really awful,” she expressed.
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Narcissistic Domestic Abuse can happen to anyone
Reiser is a clinical therapist and honestly, if she can fall prey to narcissistic domestic abuse, anyone can. Thankfully, she realised on time! It was when she had become withdrawn from many of the things that made her happy due to her partner’s demands, she realised she was being abused on many levels. As a clinical therapist, Reiser knew something was not right with her relationship, but couldn’t quite figure out what the problem was. “The day I figured it out, I left,” Reiser said. “It’s very confusing. Everything is confuse and control. It’s very much like a cult leader… that manipulation,” she expressed.
“Generally, manipulation is indirect influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the manipulator. Often, it expresses covert aggression. Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent. If you experienced manipulation growing up, you may not recognize it as such,” Darlene Lancer, co-dependency and relationship expert wrote in Psychology Today, explaining how narcissistic individuals manipulate their partners.
Such kind of abuse, Lancer explains, involves verbal abuse, gaslighting, emotional blackmailing, exploitation, isolation from your people, withholding things like communication, sex, affection etc, as well as privacy invasion. There’s so much that goes on in abusive relationships with a narcissist.
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Reiser wants to empower women in abusive relationships
She founded a non-profit organization called Tell A Therapist and wants to address this issue. “It is becoming more evident that this is something a lot of people are experiencing. Certainly, with the pandemic, the rates of domestic violence have gone through the roof. We have a major, major problem that we need to address … this is an issue that people don’t know a lot about,” Reiser explained.
Her goal is to raise $200,000 during her run, the proceeds of which would go to the cause. “I’m trying to raise as much as I can get,” she shares. “Running is my passion. It’s my therapy, so I’m excited. I’m looking forward to crossing the finish line and seeing all of the support there.”
ALSO READ: 63% Men Believe It’s Okay To Beat Their Wives Up If Refused Sex. This Rot Runs Deep
Vanessa Reiser wants all the survivors of abusive relationships to know they are not alone. “I believe you. We believe you. Get safe. Try to find some courage, clarity, and confidence. This is part of my own healing. And so, if you have something that you want to do… lean into that,” she expressed.
“One of the things that a narcissist is afraid of is power. So look for that power and if you have a hard time finding it, explore your passions, figure out what you’re good at, what you enjoy and go for that,” Reiser advised taking back control in such relationships.