Baewatch: “My Friend’s Become Toxic And Arrogant. Should I Confront Them About It?”
I feel like when we were young we all assumed that the friends we have are the ones that we will end up being with throughout our lives. How naive and innocent! I feel like the more we grow individually as people, it is natural to outgrow certain things, people or relationships. The friends that gave you joy before have maybe become toxic now. Your best friend who you would discuss everything is now someone who doesn’t know anything about your life anymore. It is natural for people to grow apart.
For the longest time, I used to treat friendships as something with no expiration date. That no matter how toxic or draining someone gets, I am supposed to hold onto them because we are friends. I know better now and realise the importance of letting go. So when one of our readers told us about a dilemma they were facing with a close friend of theirs where they couldn’t decide whether to hold on to let go, Team Hauterrfly jumped in with some sage advice.
“My friend and I have been close for years. But for the past couple of months, something is off between us. She’s become arrogant and indirectly looks down on everyone and everything, going as far as commenting on people’s personal choices in a derogatory fashion. It’s almost as if I don’t know this new person, and honestly, had I met her now, I wouldn’t even be friends with her. I haven’t confronted her about this, out of respect for our friendship, and because she gets very defensive when criticised. But that’s made things very tense between us. I can hardly stand her at social gatherings, and feel like our friendship might have run its course. Do I end this friendship? And how do I do it? Or is there some hope after all?”
Here is what Team Hauterrfly had to say,
“You Can Either Make A Show Of It Or You Can Silently Part Ways Without Any Drama Or Bad Blood”
Janvi Manchanda, Senior Features Writer: Friendship breakups are really hard but there are two ways to do this. You can either make a show of it or you can silently part ways without any drama or bad blood (except for the bad blood that’s already there). And it is up to you to decide when, where, and how you want to do this. Personally, I would recommend that you have one more conversation with your friend before you make your final decision. Ask her what changed in the past couple of months and what is pushing her to behave so unlike her, maybe even give her an ultimatum (you’re allowed to do that in friendship). And after all of that, if things still don’t change and you still cannot stand her unruly behaviour, I’d say walk away from the toxicity. Understand that this relationship has run its course and it’s okay for friendships to end. People grow in different directions sometimes and there’s no point trying to save a friendship that has become a one-way street and the fact of the matter is that if she has been looking down upon everyone around her, she’s also looking down upon you. And who needs people like that in their lives? It’s best to cut the rotten leaf off instead of trying to salvage it. But at the same time, understand that if your friend is going through a life problem it may be the root cause of her behaviour. I won’t ask you to excuse her but be by her side and guide her through the rocky road if that’s what she needs, irrespective of how difficult it can be for you because that is what friendship is all about.
“There Is No Shame In Taking Care Of Your Heart First.”
Priyadarshini Malavia, Writer: The pain, guilt and fear attached to hurting a friend can be overwhelming, daunting and intimidating. However, while worrying about your friends’ feelings, please be considerate of your own too. Contrary to popular belief, it is okay if you choose to be a LITTLE selfish every once in a while and protect yourself. If talking to her does not work, don’t feel guilty for choosing yourself and walking away. There is no shame in taking care of your heart first.
“It’s Good To Say Goodbye Immediately Rather Than Acting All Fake Around Each Other”
Preeti Singh, Writer: Sometimes maintaining the same old mutual bond between friends becomes very tough, not gonna lie. I remember the time when I broke up with my best friend just because I felt she was not interested in me anymore. The only thing she cared about in our friendship was her banter about all her life problems which was kind of hurtful because she didn’t care about me at all when we were together for over a decade. Considering your friend is a little mean towards other people, she can be mean to you as well. So, my suggestion would be to break up with your friend ASAP! I know it seems a little harsh but trust me it’s good for your mental peace. Sometimes it’s good to say goodbye immediately rather than acting all fake around each other, then your friendship might turn really toxic.
Also Read: BaeWatch: “My Guy Friend And I Crossed The Boundary Of Being ‘Just Friends’ But He Won’t DTR. What Do I Do?”
“…Show Her The Mirror, That’s What Friends Are For.”
Ritu Sanghvi, Writer: Whoever said that friendships are easy to maintain has lied. Friendships require a lot of effort from both people involved. And if you think your friend has changed and not in a good way, then I’d suggest you talk to her. I mean, if this was never her then there is definitely something that has made her this way now, right? And maybe she doesn’t realise it herself or she doesn’t want to talk about what has changed, either way, you’d never know which is which. So rather than jumping to a conclusion of breaking up or sucking it up, communicate with her. Let her know what you feel, show her the mirror, that’s what friends are for. If after this she continues to be oblivious/ignorant towards how she behaves with others and you, then you know that the ball is your court and you have to make a decision – to stay or to leave. And whichever you choose, know that neither of them will be an easy choice. So, when you do decide, keep and think about yourself first.
“Be Honest And Exchange Your Thoughts…”
Jasveen Kaur Sawhey, Writer: Ughh! Friendship breakups are too hard to handle. People do change with time, all thanks to the new experiences that they welcome in life. But with close friendships in this case, you gotta give each other some breathing space for change. As you said that you too have been extremely close, the term honesty can definitely enter the room. Be honest and exchange your thoughts. Don’t be too harsh, but expressing your feelings can be much better than ripping the bond apart. But if it doesn’t work out, even after multiple trials, then it’s okay to allow the mutual breakup, this might also give you time to process the cause of tension and there might be a chance of a lovely patch up too.
Also Read: BaeWatch: My Husband Has A Problem With My Friends
“She Means A Lot To You So Make Her Realise That She Has Changed And It Is Not In A Good Way.”
Aditya Teotia, Social Media Head: When it comes to friendship it gets even more difficult. Should I break it off or should I stay silent? There are a lot of thoughts about it. It can be done either by silently distancing yourself from her to a point you guys become strangers. Or she means a lot to you so make her realise that she has changed and it is not in a good way. If she realises and actually works on it then best or else you will have a sign that it is time to distance yourself from her.
“You Should Not Have Any Regrets For Not Trying Even Once”
Agamya Shukla, Social Media Executive: Every relationship has its ups and downs. But when a relationship gets toxic, some distance should be maintained thereafter. Ending things abruptly with your close friend might make her feel blindsided, which is a horrible feeling and no one should go through that. It’s good to first properly communicate about how you feel, what and why a certain behaviour has been upsetting you. Communication is a solution to literally just every problem and a few years down the line, you should not have any regrets for not trying even once to mend things back with your close friend. If, even after the efforts your friend is not ready to work on it, then clearly she isn’t bothered about your feelings and friendship anymore, and it has become a one-way street. Just distance yourself.
Baewatch is Hauterfly’s weekly service to women everywhere. We are giving no-holds-barred, funny, interesting answers to your relationship problems. We’re not experts so you may end up married or broken up. It could go either way. *shrugs*
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