Twitter User Points Out The Way Married Women Are Treated By In-Laws And It Is Absolutely Heartbreaking!
I remember that when I was a kid, I believed that most of the drama I saw in saas-bahu serials was nothing more than exaggerated nonsense. Like my naive self refused to believe that someone like a mother-in-law could be this cruel towards their own daughter-in-law. However, the more I grew up, I realised that what was being shown on these daily soaps, while definitely exaggerated, was a reflection of our society. I saw more and more married women who lived with their in-laws, including my own mother, that was stuck in this toxic relationship with their mothers-in-law and had no escape. They receive almost no support from their husbands and have no choice but to endure whatever they were being put through. That’s when I decided that I would not live with my in-laws, or even my own parents if I am ever to marry. I would just rather have the independence and privacy that comes with staying with just my spouse and I would rather not have either of our parents interfering in our lives. Many told me that my expectations were unrealistic by Indian standards and it would be difficult to come across a family that would be open to this. And when I read this Twitter thread by @meghamehta8488 talking about this exact issue, I couldn’t help but want to talk about it.
People who make fun of ‘modern’ Indian girls seeking grooms who live apart from parents/don’t have siblings should take some time out this festival season to ask their mothers what it was like when they newly married esp if they were living with in-laws (1/6)
— Megha Mehta (@meghamehta8488) October 26, 2022
I feel like most of the people who are “making fun” of women who have these requirements are either men who don’t have the same pressure as women to endure whatever they are being put through or they are people of the older generation who have the attitude of “you have to endure this as a woman.” I grew up in a family where a lot of my parents’ lives as a couple and all of our lives as a family were affected by the interference and constant drama that came from my father’s side of the family. So knowing that women who don’t want to deal with that post-marriage aren’t taken seriously just makes me feel sorry for the people who are ignorant enough to not understand what these women go through.
You’d be surprised how many Ekta Kapoor style horror stories will tumble out of closet. There’s a reason why daily soaps resonate so much with homemakers even today. Urban Gen Z kids might laugh but we really need to remove rose tinted glasses when it comes to our moms’ lives 2/6
— Megha Mehta (@meghamehta8488) October 26, 2022
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Again, I genuinely believe that most of the people who are ignorant of these things are men. Most of them haven’t had to handle or haven’t been a part of the drama that was caused because they weren’t included in it. Men have the privilege of removing themselves from any kind of family drama that might be happening within the household. But women are expected to be actively involved within the family and household, regardless of how toxic it might be.
Taunts on lack of dowry and perceived flaws in physical appearance (esp skin color and weight), expectation of servitude, abusive treatment from the jethani/nanad, sexual advances from male members-it’s all very real. Hence most brides choose to stay apart these days (3/6)
— Megha Mehta (@meghamehta8488) October 26, 2022
Yes, yes, yes! and the worse part is that in most cases, there is little to no support from the spouses. They too expect their wives to tolerate whatever their families put them through as that is just ‘culture’. The main problem is that women are never treated like actual members of the family. They are always outsiders who were brought in to serve them and their sons and have children. These people will never treat their daughter-in-law with the same kindness they will treat their daughters with. This hypocrisy is what alienates the woman from her in-laws. She is always an outsider, someone else’s daughter. Not a member of their own family who they brought in. the ironic part of this whole situation is that women are expected to forget their old life and the family that raised them to accept their new family the moment they get married. However, these same women don’t get acceptance by their in-laws for years after they get married. Usually even after having children.
Real drama tho is if you happen to get widowed. Suddenly becomes in laws priority to banish widow back to her maternal home and ensure she doesn’t inherit property from her husband. More the siblings more the kalesh over ‘hissa’ even if they never got along with husband(4/6)
— Megha Mehta (@meghamehta8488) October 26, 2022
As I said, the woman is never truly considered a part of the family. Despite having served and looked after the family for so long, her association with them is only as long as the husband is alive. If he passes away, the woman is left to fend for herself. She will be expected to leave their home and return back to her maternal home. These people might not have cared about their husband and their family but they will want a part of everything he left behind, pushing aside his own wife and children.
Also this might sound awkward but it’s really no use pontificating about sexual abuse and consent without first asking our mothers what it was like living with our fathers. Can we hold our parents to the same standards we hold the rest of the world on social media? (5/6)
— Megha Mehta (@meghamehta8488) October 26, 2022
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For many women, sex is just a part of marriage. There is no real concept of consent within the marriage. The woman is expected to allow her husband to take her as and when he wants and she has no real right to say no. And it is all under the pretext of “wifely duties”. This gives rise to sexual abuse within the marriage where the woman allows non-consensual sex because she hasn’t been taught otherwise. Moreover, many of these women don’t even have any other option but to tolerate this as they have no one else to rely on but their husbands. the insecurity of being thrown out with no support makes them tolerate the abuse.
Before anyone says women are also evil and file false cases etc. maybe true but statistically marriage continues to be more of a loss making enterprise for women. Maybe that’s why men are finding it so ‘hard’ on the marriage market these days-we learn from the past. 6/6
— Megha Mehta (@meghamehta8488) October 26, 2022
Yes, there are some women who make fake allegations and I do agree that it is completely wrong. But, historically, women have always been on the losing end of marriages. Marriage usually comes with more responsibilities, life changes, and expectations towards women while men can stay in their comfort zones and get someone to look after all their needs so they can continue to live their lives as they always have. Maybe it is harder for men to find women now but that is because most modern women have grown up observing the previous generation and noticed the toxic patterns that come with being in this type of marriage and toxic relationship with their in-laws. I believe it is high time for people to understand how our mothers have gone through their entire marriage tolerating these atrocities with no support from the very people that made them this helpless in the first place. Be it their husbands, their parents, or their in-laws.
