Twitter Thread About A 28 YO Girl Being Abused For Wanting To Marry Her Boyfriend Left Us Speechless
While I wouldn’t call my family a feminist one, I know that compared to many daughters from typical patriarchal Indian families, I am blessed to have the parents I do. We have our arguments and clashes but I know their heart is in the right place and they are supportive of my endeavours which I am grateful for. However, not everyone is that lucky and I came across this harsh reality when I befriended a girl who came from an extremely patriarchal family. Some of the atrocities she went through at her home were horrendous and absolutely scary to hear as a daughter me. And clearly, I am not the only one as I read this Twitter thread by @ilizbethnoble about a friend of hers who was abused by her parents simply because she wanted to marry a man they didn’t approve of. Yes, not something uncommon but still horrible!
1. My university classmate woke me up asking me in tears to pray for her. I had assumed the worst. She told me she is eloping to marry the person she loved and that it was the only way out. I told her I wish her the best and knowing the boy myself I knew he was a good man.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
2. For the last 6 years she had been trying to convince her parents to agree to the marriage despite being 28 yrs old. The boy belonged to a good family and is a wonderful human being himself and she always had the biggest brightest smiles around him. A quiet mallu girl.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
This is happening to an adult woman, let that sink in…
When she finally found the courage to tell her parents about her relationship with him, they threatened her. Locked her up at home until me and a group of us went ourselves and told her mother we would call the police if she is not allowed to leave the room and attend classes.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
How cruel is this?!
Her father on the other hand beat her black and blue. There was not a day after that where she was not found with bruises. I never knew how much some parents kept their pride above their child's happiness. The ego above their child's safety where they could do this.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
I pulled my own father in to intervene and speak to her dad since I am a Malayali too. My dad who can usually convince anyone immediately told me to stay the hell away from that man and anyone associated with him because it was affecting my mental health in the whole run.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Of course they didn’t!
There would be weeks we would not see her in classes. The bright cheerful girl we knew became secluded, small, shrouded in a corner refusing to speak or open up more than necessary. She said her calls were being tracked and her parents tracked every move. They didn't like us.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
The boy’s family is the real hero here!
Fast forward to another year the boys family has enough with this abuse she's undergoing and pick her up themselves actually steal her from her home and take her to another home they owned in Navi Mumbai just to keep her hidden from her dead beat torturous father.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
The more I read this thread, the more sorry I feel for her
Her parents' file a police complaint and a missing complaint and she returns. She is tired of fighting. Says she will marry whoever they choose and return home so that the abuse will end. Her father takes her to a retreat center in Kerala and try to demonize her.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
As someone who values her degree over everything, this triggers me so much!
He takes away her b.a , m.a, b.ed certificates so that she would not be able to apply for a job and move away independently away from her home. He blocks her joint account, refuses to give her money and keeps her with even more abusive conservative grandparents in Kerala.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Also Read: Molestation Victim’s Twitter Thread Exposes How Insensitive Country’s Police Personnel Are When Handling Such Cases
Imagine being an adult and still having to be this scared of your parents
Her boyfriend stuck in Canada for his further studies tries desperately to get her duplicate certificates ready and take her with him. They maintain a mutual no contact ( still in love) and pretended to be broken up forever for two years. For the threat to her life.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Her mom misses her, bring her back to Mumbai from Kerala on the pretext of some excuse. She promises her parents she is in no contact with him still and she applies for a teaching job as assistant professor after clearing entrance. Her parents are happy and the abuse stops.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
The father-in-law we didn’t know we needed!
Her boyfriend's father on the other hand would meet her every weekend outside her new workplace to console her and lift her spirits. He would give her hand cooked meals from home and travel long distance by local train just to give her money if she needed.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Saajan ji ghar aaye!!!
After an entire two years of phone tracking, hidden lies, unnecessary pain and suffering her boyfriend has finally arrived back in India after completing his studies and is coming to fulfill his promise to marry her and save her from the misery of her own blood family.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Again, the family is the hero!
His family has arranged the whole wedding, has arranged everything in a way that would minimize her pain. She left a note to her parents that she had given them 6 years to accept and love her and see her happiness but they only cared about society and their own ego.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
And she finally set herself free from the clutches of everything that tied her down, caused her tears and mental, emotional, physical pain. She finally chose herself and found a family God willingly put into her lap that deserves her love and a love she deserves.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
And I couldn't be happier even though I know how much in pain she is. Knowing her personally she would weep for even causing her abusive narc parents slightest pain forgetting her own. I wish her own had half her heart. Sometimes I wonder she is adopted she is nothing like them.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Also Read: Redditors Speak Their Heart Out On The Do’s And Dont’s At A Wedding And You Might Agree With Most Of Them!
I wish her well and I wish parents will realise that children are given as temporary gifts in your care. They are not your property or your possession. They have a thought process, a mind, a heart to feel for themselves too. Respect them and they will respect you in return.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Parenting is not about control until it's borderline abuse. Parenting is about building relationships, bridges and confidence. It isn't about always doing what's right or seemingly right in the eyes of the world or society but doing right by your child and their happiness.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Just because you have working reproductive parts that birthed or caused birth doesn't make you a parent. What makes you a parent is how you care, how you stand up for your child, how you protect them, how you provide and comfort them and build them up always. This is your duty.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
If you want your children to love you first show them what love is by example not just words. Obedience is not love. It is simply an act of fear. Even a mighty elephant obeys it's mahouts by listening to the sound of the loose chains tied on its feet. An illusion. Fear.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
If you want your child to RESPECT you, first show them what respect means. When they speak their mind, when they address an issue, when they seek comfort, when they speak a need, when they are silently suffering. RESPECT is the other word for LISTEN. Listen intently first.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Check yourself if you will be raising your hand to correct another human being for a wrong they did then you are not worthy of being called a father or a mother. That's it. If as an adult, it's abusive to hit your loved one, it's also the same as a child. An even bigger crime.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
And to those who claim to have turned out fine and great despite being beaten and trashed by parents, I can assure you that you most certainly did not turn out okay! In fact the very opposite of it probably. You don't know what healthy dynamics looks.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
And to those who claim to have turned out fine and great despite being beaten and trashed by parents, I can assure you that you most certainly did not turn out okay! In fact the very opposite of it probably. You don't know what healthy dynamics looks.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Your home should be a safe space to be yourself freely, to be able to speak without judgement, to show your quirks without humiliation, to be assertive without the fear of physical abuse, to be free from the need to suppress your real nature that you mask for the outside world.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Your home should be a safe space to be yourself freely, to be able to speak without judgement, to show your quirks without humiliation, to be assertive without the fear of physical abuse, to be free from the need to suppress your real nature that you mask for the outside world.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
And if within your own home are the monsters then what do one fear when their own parents curse them into hell and speak ill words saying they will rot in eternal doom. To me these parents are themselves making those words a reality everyday. A hell on Earth.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
And if within your own home are the monsters then what do one fear when their own parents curse them into hell and speak ill words saying they will rot in eternal doom. To me these parents are themselves making those words a reality everyday. A hell on Earth.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
This entire thread was written not to congratulate their love story but to give a hard hitting reality check to parents and next generation parents on what not to be and what parenting entails.
Love will prevail regardless of all control. I don't need to be it's advocate. 🙏🏼🧿— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Here is how the Tweeple reacted to this,
Did the girls family refuse because the guy wasn’t a mallu? Of all the cultures I’ve come across, mallus are the most particular about marrying within the state/language, caste, church denomination. Sometimes to the point of absurdity.
— Vandeman Wilson (@vandemanw) September 23, 2022
Christianity disallows caste discrimination. There is no caste in being a Christian especially a Catholic under Roman Pope. But India is India after all even in Christianity caste, sects and denominations discrimination exists everywhere here.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
It's not easy to secure scholarship abroad and he was studying to get a better future for them both. They had asked her to leave her home and stay with them many years before but she refused because after all she too loves her parents and wanted them to accept and change. Sadly.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
There is no other side. She didn't magically run away. She gave them 6 years to accept it and still they didn't. Finally threatened to forcefully marry her to someone else she didn't have any other choice. She would have waited even ten years if they were silent. That's her.
— ilizbethnoble (@ilizbethnoble) September 23, 2022
Highlight of the story: The boy's parents supported the girl throughout struggle as if she were their own daughter. Travelling to meet her in weekends, giving home cooked meals, supported her emo. & financially. So in-laws deserves a big round of applause for their efforts. ❤️
— Hatash Engineer (@Naukarshah_) September 23, 2022
I do agree with what the Twitter user is saying. I genuinely believe that a parent’s job is to provide for and raise the child in the best possible environment they can. But that doesn’t mean your child owes you anything. Raising a child was a choice made by the parents. It doesn’t mean that the child has to follow whatever they say for the rest of their lives. I believe it is important for parents to understand that their children have lives of their own. While our parents have gone through their lives and made the choices they did, it is unfair for them to not give their kids the freedom to do as they please. Ultimately, aren’t they the ones who will have to live with the person they marry and not the parents?