6 Reasons Losing Your Virginity Might Not Be The Fantastical Fifty Shades Experience You Expected It To Be
In my 24 years of existence and being someone who is a lover of the world of fiction, I will be the first to admit: that expectations will never live up to reality. For example, I grew up having these fantastical standards of romance and love only to find out that most people don’t even want to put in the basic efforts it takes to maintain a relationship. And after listening to my girlfriends crib about how disappointed and/or underwhelmed they feel after having sex, I wondered, “why is it that sex is so underwhelming for so many women?” And based on observations and unnecessary prying, I have come up with a set of reasons as to why your first time might not be all firecrackers and fifty shades as you have envisioned it to be. So here are some reasons why you might not be as satisfied as you expected after your first sexual rendezvous.
1. You Don’t Know What You Are Doing
I feel like most of us are taught what sex means but not what we are supposed to do in it. Most of the things we learn are pretty basic and mechanical. However, we aren’t taught about the juicy bits that actually make sex fun. Because of this, you might be enjoying some pleasure but is it enough? Most of us (usually women) end up on the other side feeling unfulfilled and unhappy. And considering it is your first time, I presume you are a clueless being whose idea of sex is based on word of mouth. So, I feel having an open conversation with experienced people and more importantly your partner.
Also Read: Indonesia Had ‘Virginity Tests’ For Women Army Cadets And Now They’ve Done Away With Them
2. Your Expectations Are Based On Fiction
As amazing as the Fifty Shades trilogy was, it isn’t realistic. A lot of us tend to build our expectations of sex based on smut novels, fanfiction and porn. And from what I am aware, literally, none of these resembles reality. Now I am not saying that sex isn’t that pleasurable but what I am saying is that you need to manage your expectations for your first time. You aren’t going to have an orgasm the moment your partner touches your skin. What makes you cum is something personal and subjective and honestly. A process of trial and error. So, while it is good to take inspiration and ideas from these mediums, have realistic standards and be patient with the process.
3. Lack of communication
I feel like the biggest misconception I had about sex and intimacy was communication/discussion before or in the middle of the act. Please don’t be an idiot like me. TALK! Discuss things that you would like or don’t like. If things aren’t working for you in bed, tell your partner. Be open about things you would like to try and draw boundaries if you want to. Communication, I believe, I genuinely the key to a happy relationship and sex life.
Also Read: How To Have Great First Time Sex With Your Best Friend-Turned-Boyfriend
4. Don’t Know Your Preferences
Considering it is your first time, I think it is safe to assume that you are still new to the idea of sex and intimacy as a whole. Keeping that in mind, you probably don’t know what you are into. Hence, you might not know what you want in bed and what will make you cum in bed. And it isn’t always your partner’s fault. They aren’t mind or even body readers. If they are as inexperienced as you, they will probably be just as clueless about what they are doing in bed as you are. So, be patient with yourself and your partner. Take your time experiencing one another and yourselves.
5. Societal hullabaloo around losing virginity
Other than the fact that virginity is a man-made societal concept, I feel like most of us are raised with a sense of grandeur revolving around losing virginity. While sex is fun, it is still a basic human need like food and shelter. It is probably not as fantastical as you think it is. Losing your virginity might not be the big occasion you expected it to be. You might be done with the deed and no matter how good it was you might think, “that’s it? that’s what I hyped up in my head?” and that doesn’t automatically mean that you had a negative experience. So, take a step back and try going into it without any preconceived notions.
6. You Aren’t really into it
Now, this is something which is super personal so it will be different depending on your situation. Many people tend to jump into having FOMO because people their age have been indulging in sex. Or one might be with a partner who is pressuring them to have sex. Sex isn’t something you should be pressured into. Wait until you really want to have sex, it doesn’t matter if it is later than others. Your experience will be much more fun if you really want to.
