Ladies, These 10 Toxic Things Are Ruining Your Female Friendships. Stop Doing Them Now!
Let's unlearn what patriarchy taught us!
Thanks to patriarchy that has pitted women against each other, we’re repeatedly told that we can never have real friendships with our kind. And as much as we’d like to deny it and say that we have true female friendships, the fact remains that most of us still haven’t unlearned all the things that systematic patriarchy and conditioning taught us. This makes it tough to let go of all the problematic things we unknowingly do in our friendships with our girlfriends. But fret not, we’ve got a list of things that all women need to stop doing in female friendships (and otherwise too)!
1. Being Jealous Of Each Other
It’s only human to feel jealous of people around us but sometimes we feel jealous of our female besties for simple things like their romantic relationships, looks or achievements, Jealousy is often a reflection of our own insecurities and its best that you understand the underlying cause and work on it instead of fanning the flames of your jealousy.
Also Read: Barbie Is More Than A Movie, It Is A Love Letter To Female Friendships
2. Body-Shaming Each Other
Society has ingrained beauty standards in our heads ever since we were kids and it’s no surprise that we’re quick to point out that our friend has lost weight or put on weight or she’s got a bad tan. We also end up giving them pet names which are nothing short of body shaming. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t be honest with your bestie about how she looks (only when asked) but now is a good time to learn how to hold back things that might seem like body shaming and bite your tongue instead of letting it out.
3. Fighting Over Boys
We’ve all heard of the “iconic” catfights women have had over boys. If both of you have a crush on the same guy, talk it out because remember it’s sisters before misters! Boys will come and go but your bestie bond won’t. A lot of us also feel insecure about our partner when they get friendly (or over-friendly) with our female friends and blame them for trying to “steal” our SO but honestly, she’s doing you a favour gurl! Do you really want to be with a man who can’t keep it in his pants?
4. Shaming Other Women
We all love gossiping, be it about what’s happening in the office or that woman’s life (the one we dislike). And more often than not, we’re quick to shame them. It could be anything from their taste in men to their clothes to their friendship. It’s time to quit doing this.
5. Being Judgemental
Apart from gossiping about women, we’re also very quick to judge them for what they do and how they live their lives, especially their body count. We often judge our own friends for these things as well and that’s not okay.
Also Read: Yes, I Hug And Kiss My Best Friend, Why Do People Refuse To Understand The Importance Of Platonic Intimacy?
6. Not Speaking Up For Women
It’s normal for people to make judgemental, sexist and snide remarks about women. No, thanks to casual sexism. A lot of times we tend to ignore them and keep quiet because it’s easier to stay mum than speak up unless it’s about us. But it’s high time we speak up and call out people for their misogynistic comments instead of turning deaf ears to them.
7. Competing With Other Women
Patriarchy had pit women against each other and we’ve fallen for it. We often let conditioning take over and compete against the women in our lives and try to show them down but it’s important to remember that this is patriarchy’s doing and stop ourselves.
8. Holding Grudges Against Your Girlfriends
You know how people say that women remember old fights and bring them up to attack others? That’s true not just for relationships but also for friendships. However, it’s time we learn how to let go of the past and forgive our friends for the sake of our friendships.
9. Blaming The “Other Woman”
When a man cheats, women tend to blame the “other woman” for stealing them and slut-shame the woman but that’s not okay. If he can’t be loyal to you or your friend, it’s because he has a problem, not because the “other woman” seduced him. This idea of blaming the other woman comes from a place that says ‘boys will be boys’ and prevents them from taking accountability. So, if he says she seduced him, call him out and ask him to take responsibility for his actions.
Also Read: The Ultimate Guide To Sister Code: 10 Rules To Follow To Win At Female Friendships
10. Forgetting To Compliment Each Other
As women, most of us aren’t used to taking compliments because we don’t get enough compliments. Now might be a good time to start complimenting your girlfriends, not just to make them feel good about themselves and empower them but also to ensure that the next time someone else compliments them, they know how to react!
Now go and strengthen your female friendships and don’t let conditioning and patriarchy win!
First Published: August 04, 2023 3:20 PM
