Kissing Is More Important For Intimacy Than Sex, Experts Say
There are reams and reams written on things that turn on a man or a woman. There’s just so much literature on it and what all of that really misses is the essence of it all – kissing! When you have good chemistry with someone, a long, passionate kiss is enough to arouse you. It makes you feel all sorts of butterflies, fluttering, swaying, and moving like they are in some kind of a trance.
It all starts with one buss, which leads to more, and there you are playing tongue tennis like you’re preparing for commonwealth games for horniness. He kisses your lips, your neck, and plants some more all over you. There you are, with your heart beating fast and your panties getting wetter by the minute.
All that horniness drives you crazy and you’re sexing it up. But let me ask you, what comprises a big chunk of your foreplay? Well, I hope you said “kissing” because without that, you’re missing out on intimacy. Penetration is great but have you felt the rush of adrenaline, feelings, and horniness all at once when you make out? You ought to!
Dr. Wolfgang Krueger, a psychologist based in Berlin, Germany told SCMP, “Kissing is popularly seen as sexuality’s little sister, but it’s not. On the contrary – for couples, kissing is far more important.” He called it intimacy’s “barometer”.
It is a tool for mate assessment
Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, social psychologist and founder of Attraction Doctor writes in Psychology Today, “Both men and women use kissing for mate assessment—to decide on a potential partner. Good kissers are more likely to get chosen as partners. Bad kissing, in contrast, can be a deal-breaker.” Honestly, since we are relying heavily on mouth kissing for arousal and expressing affection, a partner who is completely off-sync can make the process a libido-killer. We seek someone who is good at kissing and can make us feel things that nothing else can. “When you kiss, you discern whether the other person is receptive and has social antennae. A good kiss is also ardent and able to increase in intensity,” says Krueger.
Kissing leads to bonding
“Good kissing leads to feelings of bonding and attachment. Sharing a kiss creates and maintains a feeling of connectedness, which is important both early in a relationship and over time. Good kissing can also lead to arousal and sex. Passionate make-outs are often necessary (and effective) precursors to further intimacy,” explains Nicholson.
The moments I like the best in a makeout sesh are when we are just lying down, pecking and talking and pecking some more. It just makes you feel close and re-assures you that the sexual interaction you had is warm and nice.
Nicholson further adds, “These kisses are ideal during “spontaneous” moments, as part of a larger effort to build connection and rapport (for more, see here). This type of bonding kissing is also important after sex to make sure a partner feels loved and attended to.”
It’s essential for arousal
I used to think it was just me who gets all wet when bae would put his lips on mine. I mean, with just one? Turns out it is really enough (when done right) to get things going. “Kissing, of course, often leads to passionate feelings and sexual activity, especially more “intimate” open-mouth, tongue-involved kisses. If you are “in the mood,” you’ll likely seek to persuade your partner’s libido with a kiss. Passionate kissing is essentially a progression of the other two types. All of the hygiene and touching rules apply. The intensity gets turned up a bit with greater assertiveness. Slowly, the touching and embracing get a bit more intense, as open mouths and tongues get involved,” Nicholson explained.
A drop in bisoux may mean trouble in paradise
“It may sound strange, but kissing is much more intimate than sex. Sexuality can sometimes be very impersonal, as if you’re reeling off a programme,” Krueger says. It is more intimate and personal because you are connecting with their tempo and exchanging taste. “Researchers calculate that Germans kiss about two to three times a day on average, Krueger says, be it a goodnight peck on the cheek or soulful smooching on a date. By age 70, they’ve spent 76 full days kissing – and that number is rising,” reports SCMP.
It’s Christmas time, and if you haven’t bisou-ed enough this year (which I hope is true thanks to the pandemic!) I hope you make up for it. Burn away your troubles and build more intimacy with bae. Just before getting horny and adding more fuel to the fire.