The Best Relationship Advice My Therapist Gave Me In 2021
Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room. I have major troubles with my relationship (read marriage) and that’s taken a toll on my mental health. And that, my friends, is why I’m in therapy. Honestly, most of my problems and mental health issues are because of my relationship (and my partner, of course) but somewhere or the other, it has a lot to do with my perception and how I handle situations, or so my therapist says. And I realised that I’m not the only one who needs relationship advice from a therapist. There are so many of us who struggle with our relationships and that’s why I thought I’d share some much-needed guidance from my therapist Dr Rahul Khemani. FYI, he;’s a consultant psychiatrist whose been in practice for over four years now. Personally, for me, it’s much easier to connect with my therapist and open up to him since he’s young. Having said that, let’s take a look at all the amazing relationship advice that he’s given me in 2021.
1. Stay In The Present
“The first and foremost thing that you should always do is ‘being in the moment’. Don’t think about your future or your past because neither of the two will help you grow in the relationship,” Says Dr Khemani. He further adds that thinking about your past or your future can scare you and take a toll on your mental health as well as your relationship. So, it’s best to focus on ‘now’.
2. Be A Listener
Dr Rahul Khemai, says, “A lot of times, we keep on talking and forget all about our partner. And this can make our partners feel like they’re not heard. So, it’s important to be present and listen to our partners. So, just be a good listener.”
3. Don’t Overcrowd
“This is very important. Stop overcrowding your partner. You should be a little jealous, obviously, but don’t be so jealous that you take up all the personal space in your partner’s life. A little ‘me’ time is very important. It’s essential that you never give up on your personal time because this time is just what you need to grow by yourself and be with your friends and family.” shares Dr Rahul Khemani. Most people tend to forget their friends, family and everyone else when they get into a relationship and this makes you feel lonely when your partner is not around leading to fights in your relationship, he adds.
4. Don’t Dwell On The Past
“A lot of people often ask me ‘should I tell my partner about my past?’ and I think that’s not a good idea at all. Whatever has happened in the past is over. Yes, it’s okay to share everything you’ve gone through in the past with your partner in a subtle manner but don’t get into the details of it. Develop your bond before you get into the minute details. Understand that it is hurtful for the other person to hear about your past,” adds Dr Rahul Khemani.
5. Avoid Comparisons
Dr Rahul Khemani further shares, “Since we’re talking about past relationships, I think we (more often than not) start comparing our relationships. In fact, even someone who has heard about your past relationship starts comparing it. So, avoid comparisons because it’s impossible to for two relationships to be the same. There are different individuals involved here and two people cannot be the same. Also, if this is your first relationship then please do not compare it with movies or novels or other peoples relationships. This is your own experience and your own life.”
6. Vulnerability Is Important
“This is something I personally like about a relationship – vulnerability. Being vulnerable can help you kind of connect at a deeper level with your partner. Most people think that being vulnerable can land them in trouble as it opens them up to the possibility of getting hurt but isn’t that the whole point of being in a relationship? Why are you in a relationship if you cannot trust someone enough to reveal your soft side and your vulnerability to them? In the end, it’s all about trusting someone with yourself and your heart even with the risks involved,” says Dr Khemani.
7. There’s No Advice
And for the last piece of advice, Dr Rahul says, “This is the best advice I can give you and that is — there is no advice. Just get into the relationship, have fun, live in the moment every day and let things unfold by themselves. Don’t try to overread things, don’t try to understand things. It’s not science (or rocket science), it’s more magic. So, let it just happen.”
Psst…here’s a little something you should know about therapists.
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Well, I’m loving the last piece of advice. There’s no right or wrong way to work through your relationship (as long as it’s not toxic, of course). While there’s no advice for perfecting a relationship (it’s all about imperfections), these are some things we definitely need to be open to in 2022.