7 Signs You Miss Your Ex But You Don’t Need Him Back In Your Life
I watched Someone Great after I stumbled upon a quote from the film on Instagram. The film revolves around a young girl whose long-term boyfriend just broke up with her. She is devastated, and craving his presence back in her life. She’s still pursuing him (while trying to keep the last few shreds of her pride!) until she realises she misses him but needs to let go. Jenny Young, our very relatable protagonist, sits by herself and pens down her feelings in the most beautiful, heart-wrenching way.
“Do you think I can have one more kiss? I’ll find closure on your lips, and then I’ll go. Maybe also one more breakfast, one more lunch, and one more dinner. I’ll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest,” she wrote in her journal. “My hope is if we add up the “one mores” they will equal a lifetime and I’ll never have to get to the part where I let you go. But that’s not real is it. There are no more one mores. I met you when everything was new and exciting, and the possibilities of the world seem endless. And they still are… for you, for me, but not for us,” she added.
Heartbreaking, right? Relatable? If you’re going through a breakup, every single word will poke at your soul. We feel like holding on, we want things to be normal, we wish we could be in denial. But once we cross that initial feeling, we let light in. Even if that means having a designated friend who’ll stop you from texting your ex when you’re drunk and missing him. But do you need him? Nope.
Here are 7 signs you miss your ex but you don’t need him!
He’s not on your mind 24/7
Well, you may spending all your day thinking about the pizza you didn’t order last weekend, but your ex? No, no, he only pops up in your head once in a while and uninvited of course. But you’ve learnt to shrink his screen space to a bare minimum. You have better visuals to fantasise about – like Hugh Jackman’s svelte bod and mesmerising smile. Or food you can eat over the weekend. But now, you don’t get the kind of thoughts that cripple you. You can deal, semi-decently.
When something reminds you of him, your heart doesn’t crash
When Julia Michaels sings, “Ah, it’s been a year now…Think I’ve figured out how…How to think about you without it rippin’ my heart out,” does it sound relatable? Do you exactly get the sentiment behind these lines? You’ve crash-proofed your heart, love! It may sting a little when the memories bite, but you know to continue flying! Just after the break up, it can feel like you’ve forgotten how to function without your partner, but now when you visit a cafe you guys loved as a couple, you don’t automatically start sobbing the door. That’s a sign.
The beautiful moments stir up your feelings
You spent so much time together; of course there are remnants of those moments. Something reminds you of that fun night out you had, dancing like two doofuses! Before you know it, you’re thinking of the good ol’ days. When this happens, you feel like reaching out to him. Maybe you re-read the old texts, maybe you look at your old pics. It’s okay to be a little vulnerable sometimes. But when this happens, you don’t drop him sappy texts trying to emotionally guilt him into being back in your life. Huge step forward!
But you don’t want to feel insignificant again so you stop
Sometimes when you break up with someone, you tend to miss them and think of only the good times. But when you’ve reached a point where you know to control your mind, you remember the times you felt insignificant as well. You may not remember the exact fights but the way you felt is not forgotten. And that helps you keep your eyes on the prize, which is moving on to greener pastures.
You don’t regret breaking up with him
You miss him, sometimes more than other times. But tomorrow if he came up to you and asked you for another chance, would you give him? Say you did, do you really see things getting better? Do you think he can actually be your one true match? Even if things weren’t perfect, because really, no relationship is, you can now clearly see the fatal flaws in the relationships and that’s a yay. If you answered no to these questions, you’re ready to move on. You don’t need him, sis!
You’re hopeful about your future
Uncertainties and the unknown can make our hearts flutter with nervousness and excitement. You don’t know when you will date next, or what lies ahead. What you do know is that the past wasn’t helping you grow and it’s best left behind. You know that you’re willing to move forward and giving dating another chance. Yes, it scares you but you’ve not completely given up on it. You’re positive that the future will be promising and you don’t want the source of your past stress, that is, your ex back.
You’re a little hurt but finally at peace
You’re human, missing him hurts sometimes. And that’s okay. It’s natural to miss a person you loved. But oh boy, do you feel peace! There’s nothing taking digs at your self-esteem, or making you sound like a crazy person. You’re not in fight or flight mode. You’ve found peace in void and the next time you fill it, they better have some more peace to add to your life.
On days when you feel more vulnerable, a study says “cognitive reappraisal” is rather effective in helping you move on. “One way of reappraising the situation after a breakup is the reappraisal of love feelings — changing how you think about your lingering loving feelings for your ex. This involves telling yourself that it’s alright to still have feelings for your ex, and that you should accept that without feeling guilty about it. You can also reappraise your partner in a negative manner. Negative reappraisal of the partner involves thinking about your ex-partner’s faults or bad behaviors,” Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. an associate professor of psychology wrote in Psychology Today.