5 Things Commitment Phobes Believe About Love And Relationships
When I was growing up, I didn’t know the existence of commitment-phobia. I always thought that two people would have their meet-cute, fall in love in their own sweet way and then just naturally want to be together. I was in my own little bubble made from rom-com juice until I realised that reality isn’t that uncomplicated. I had no idea that a guy can pursue you, evoke feelings in you and be like, “Oh, I like things to be casual.” If you’ve ever had the opportunity to get into the mind of a commitment phobe, you must have realised their view of relationships is rather cynical.
I know it is very frustrating when you find a pool of commitment phobic people; it makes you give up on dating if you’re not on the same page. Their fear of heartbreak becomes the source of your own heartache and that’s no fun. In fact, how many times have you sat with your closest friends and bitched about what a fuckboi he is? The thing is, not all commitment-phobes are intending to take advantage of other people for their own satisfaction.
Commitment phobia comes from a place of feeling too much, not too little. They probably haven’t recovered from the trauma of seeing the parents ugly fight. Maybe they refrain from showing their vulnerable side because they are afraid of rejection. Maybe they love their freedom too much. A commitment phobe has definitely experienced things that made them shut love and romantic connections out.
As much as this sounds appealing, as much as it draws you towards him so you can heal him, you can’t. You cannot change a commitment phobe by loving them harder. You will probably end up joining the club after getting heartbroken.
That’s a journey they have to go through themselves. You know, like Monica didn’t try to fix Chandler. He just realised things in his own time, at his own pace.
I wish they knew that love and relationships are beautiful. I have been in the ‘fear of love’ territory too, but I refused to buy real estate and spend the rest of my life there. Here are 5 myths commitment phobes have about love and relationships and I hope they get rid of their fear in time.
They are not “meant for love”
A few heartbreaks later, a lot of people feel they are not “meant for love”. They feel that universe has something against them being in love, that it rarely ever succeeds. I feel glad things didn’t work out with anybody in my past. I believe it helped me grow and become stronger. Every person is meant for love. But holding yourself back, you’re sabotaging your chance at achieving it. Instead of denouncing love, maybe reflect on your toxic dating patterns and figure a healthy way forward. Believe me, most of these commitment phobes have a knack for falling for the wrong people.
All relationships are highly codependent
I have had lengthy conversations with some of my friends who are definite commitment phobes. Most of them believe getting them a partner would mean having to be dependent on each other. They must have seen some relationships in which couples were suffocating each other…but those are the kind you run from. You don’t run from healthy, loving relationships.
When they * really * fall in love, the phobia will vanish
Without any effort in healing themselves, they sit comfortably on their throne of fear and expect it to just vanish one fine day. Love doesn’t come to you if you keep your doors shut. You have to put effort into working on your fears, anxieties, and insecurities. You need to work on yourself and stop hoping love will fix you. It’s not a cup of chai; it can’t fix everything.
Being in a relationship, you can’t focus on your goals
So many people think being in a relationship is so taxing and disturbing that you will not be able to focus on your goals. I mean, married couples just stop growing altogether? Again, if it cuts your growth, it’s a toxic relationship. In fact, studies say that people who are in a happy, committed relationship do better in other areas of their lives too! It really brings you peace and happiness – so you can focus on your goals. There is one person who always has your back!
Couples with problems are unhappy together
Several commitment phobes will tell you how couples fight and there are problems and all that. They will focus on the negatives. But just because a couple has problems it doesn’t mean they are unhappy. There are happy moments and pros. That is probably why they are still in love and together?