5 Reasons The Men We Meet Are So Commitment Phobic, As Revealed By Guys
For me, the men I met in the past couple of years led to the deterioration in my interest to find anyone. The dating pool as I see it is rather substandard with men simply chatting you up and acting invested, but they are really not. I am not saying there are no quality men whose actions match their words. But oh boy, those are so rare. It’s almost like every other guy you come across is commitment-phobic. I have seen some guys overcome that and go on to be in beautiful relationships. But I have also seen guys staying stuck on their fear of relationships.
If you ask me, most people aren’t scared of relationships and commitment. They are afraid of being with the wrong person or feeling like they are not good enough. They are afraid of that feeling of not measuring up to someone’s expectations. I have had long discussions with my commitment-phobic friend who has all sorts of negative ideas of a relationship because of the dysfunctional ones he has seen around him. He has taken attributes of a toxic relationship and attached those to all relationships and I just don’t know how to get him to see the light. Anyway, that’s not my battle to fight and I hope someday he understands that love doesn’t hurt.
I also have guy friends who claim they are not scared of commitment but they pretty much are. They are subconsciously hoping that things don’t work out. It’s so difficult, right, ladies? Finding a man who is fun, exciting, and willing to commit. Is it just me or do you find the emotionally damaged ones super exciting? But here’s the thing, I still believe in love. Eventually, you meet someone who is passionate, exciting, and fits perfectly in your heart. He makes you feel glad that things didn’t work out with anyone else. And your exes? They stop seeming like missed opportunities because when you find the one for you, everything just flows. Hopefully, we’ll find that. I wish that also for the men I met who were afraid of commitment.
But here’s the thing, most guys these days are commitment-phobic. And whoever you meet – your “the one” – must have been afraid of relationships before he met you. It’s almost like a line you have to cross and go to the other side. I know most of us find it hard to understand the men who refuse to offer commitment. Well, they have their reasons. Stupid, but they are reasons. Personally, I feel much more at ease when I know the Whys. It’s just so much better for getting closure and moving on.
If you’ve been wondering why men these days are so afraid of commitment, hear it from the horse’s mouth! Men of Reddit get real and raw about it as they pour their hearts out under the safety of anonymity.
Bad past experiences
The number of times I have heard guys say this! I know men and women are different but what does it take for you to heal? Women are much more emotionally intelligent than men, in my opinion. “For myself at least I have had a few bad relationships in the past and have a very very hard time trusting the opposite sex. It’s entirely on me I am very wary slow to trust and dont want to be taken advantage of again. There is a few other issues that go along with that. I am fine with my own company so unless someone really adds to it there is no point,” a guy wrote.
They find the “game” unnerving
“I got absolutely sick of being so quickly replaced by women that I just quit the game. That sense that they all have someone in the on deck circle waiting for my at bat to be over is unnerving. With social media it’s even worse. Someone switched to single and the vultures get right I their DMs,” a guy expressed. Your kind created that game!
They are afraid of rejection
“I think online dating has been really bad for dating. I hesitate to say it has ruined dating, but I have found women’s willingness when I’m out and about is not nearly as much as I would think. It makes sense from the standpoint of psychology and having options, the more options we have for anything, the less effort we put in to getting it,” a man explained. He added how our standards too have become unhealthy. “Our standards become completely dysfunctional and the expectations we create of each other are completely out of touch with reality, because our model of ‘normal’ no longer reflects the world we live in, but rather, tries to follow the image we form based on the internet,” he added. “It’s crazy. And scary…Don’t get me wrong, there are positives too, but the direction in which the world is heading is not very encouraging,” he concluded.
They feel they are not good enough
“I think social media has had a huge impact on insecurities among men. We get bombarded with what society thinks men SHOULD be like and we realize that we fall short of those expectations and tell ourselves that we’re not good enough to date,” a man pointed out. “My insecurities. My issues of not being able to get over my ex after all these years (we were going to get married). My acting out in my 20s to now late 20s trying to be someone I’m not. Depression. Anxiety. Coronavirus mandated social distancing. Losing myself. Not remembering who I am. Working on being sober (I only do alcohol) again,” another guy added. Not being sure of themselves can make them feel afraid of intimacy. Commitment-phobic men need healing more than anything else, and only they can do it for themselves.
ALSO READ: How Must A Commitment Phobic Generation Make Marriages Work?
Unwillingness to change
A lot of men are afraid of having to change once they get into a relationship. The thing is, since it is a partnership, both persons need to make adjustments for things to run smoothly. And that’s just a minor hassle. In return you’re getting a companion, a beautiful relationship – how do you not see that? “Laziness, or an unwillingness to change their lives. I have quite a few ‘friends’ who follow, worship, and pour their time & money into Asian idol groups, and/or video games centered around digital female characters. Real life women don’t interest them at all. Hopelessly single, at this rate I fear they may spend the rest of their life alone,” a person revealed. Well, often we fear change but sometimes we kinda need it!
