22 Years Ago, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam Showed Us That A Man’s Masculinity Isn’t Defined By Controlling A Partner
On 18th June 1999, audiences got a witness a grand spectacle in cinemas. Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam was playing and it was one of those films that you had to watch on the big screen. It was in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam that we got to see what Sanjay Leela Bhansali was capable of creating. The sets were grand, the textures rich, the colours vibrant, the movie was an experience, both in terms of story and in the opulence of it all.
But what stood out for me, despite being suitably gobsmacked by the sheer magnificence on screen were the actors and the storyline. Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam taught us a lot about love and break ups. About pain, hurt and even how to love. In an era where the general idea of wooing a girl was to do it by hook or crook, this was a breath of fresh air. Salman Khan, Aishwarya Rai and Ajay Devgn each played their parts brilliantly so each character was made their own.
Today, 22 years on, I look back at the movie and think about what stayed with me and I think it’s that this was one of the first movies where the girl wasn’t an object the guys were chasing with a primal need to possess her but more like a human being. With emotions and feelings that should be respected. Yes, I know, I’ve set the standard pretty low but have a look at the kind of trash that was being churned out at that time in the name of entertainment and you’ll know what I mean.
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In the movie, Aishwarya’s character Nandini falls in love with Salman Khan’s character Sameer. Like besotted lovers, they court each other, till they are discovered. The alliance is not looked upon favourably by Nandini’s family and Sameer who was there to learn from Nandini’s father is asked to leave. And he does leave, breaking Nandini’s heart. Nandini is then married off to Vanraj played by Ajay Devgn, Vanraj is unaware of Nandini’s past but he finds out about her affair. And this is where the sensitivity of the film kicks in. Instead of stomping away in disgust because Nandini has a past, a reaction that would be perfectly acceptable in the society of the time, Vanraj decides to help her reach Sameer and unite them.
In Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Vanraj’s character loves Nadini but he sees her as her own person. As the story progresses, you can see the frustration of Nandini and Vanraj, it explores moments of tenderness and showcases their vulnerabilities. In the times of toxic masculinity, this was redefining how men should love women. Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam shattered many beliefs about how women should be. Here, Nandini has a relationship so Vanraj knows she’s not “pure” and “chaste”, qualities that at the time, were of supreme importance in a marriage. Vanraj’s character is shown as respectful of Nandini’s choices and wishes, never imposing. There is even a moment where Vanraj reveals his plan to unite Sameer and Nandini to his father, and the father asks Vanraj to ‘control his wife’. At which point Vanraj explains to him that his idea of love isn’t about control.
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In many ways, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam taught a generation of men that they are allowed to be vulnerable, to cry and to feel loss as much as a woman. It undid the years of nonsense fed to men about masculinity.
Besides the many awards to its name and the money it made, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam should be talked about for undoing toxic masculinity in its many ugly forms. We all hope to find a Vanraj and that says something about the impact of the character.
