6 Red Flags To Look Out For On Your First Date And What To Do Once You’ve Spotted Them
The holiday season and New Year, isn’t this the worst time for singles? Looking at all the couples and families, singlehood can make you feel extremely lonely. More so with all the social media PDA that couples indulge in *uff*. This time of the year can make the best of us feel lonely and desperate for a connection. But finding that one person, who you can connect with, is no cakewalk. Remember how Shah Rukh Khan as Dr Jehangir, in Dear Zindagi, gave us the chair analogy? That’s just how real life is. You try different chairs till you find the right one for you. And so begins the process of finding our ‘the one’. In order to find a partner, we all go out on dates and meet all kinds of people. But keeping in mind the holiday season and the desperation, it’s pretty easy to overlook some MAJOR red flags on our first date. It’s easy to just let our emotions take control and blind us and if that’s the case with you, don’t worry because we’ve got your back. Here’s a list of red flags to watch out for on first dates and what to do about it.
1. Late And Lousy
It’s not practical to expect your date to be there at the exact time that you planned, especially if you live in a city like Mumbai or Bengaluru (traffic). Be sure to give your date buffer time. Having said that, understand that if the guy is late on the first date and that too without a legit reason and does not inform you, that’s just a big red flag. It indicates that he does not respect you or your time. The problem is not that he’s late but that he does not have a valid reason and fails to inform you.
Solution: If your date does not arrive within 10 minutes of the scheduled time, leave him a text and ask him his whereabouts. Gauge his behaviour with his response (over text and in-person). If he’s apologetic and has a valid reason, you might want to let it go. But if he gives you lousy answers or excuses, that’s your hint. Another thing to remember is that if he doesn’t respond within 20 minutes, that’s your cue to leave.
2. Too Much, Too Soon
It’s your first date are fun. More so because you get to know your date and form a connection. This is the moment when you can open up to each other and share personal information but what if he gets too personal too soon? Well, that’s a sign of low self-esteem, clinginess and neediness and that’s a total red flag.
Solution: There is no solution to this sort of uncomfortable behaviour and unless you want to be their unwilling therapist, I suggest you flee and never look back.
3. Too Good To Be True
I’m not saying that whirlwind romances are not real or they’re not solid but if your relationship seems to be going too fast, you might want to take a step back and reflect upon it. If he’s charming and too good to be true on your first date, it’s probably because it is too good to be true. I know it feels amazing when he says that he wants you to be his and all that but understand that if things are escalating too soon, chances are that he just wants exclusivity which means he has a controlling personality.
Solution: Considering that this is controlling behaviour and manipulation that we’re talking about here, I’d say it a huge red flag that cannot be ignored. Your best bet it to stay away from this person. Don’t fall into the relationship that they’re trying to trap you in.
4. Mean Or Mansplaining
Ladies, you definitely don’t want to be with someone who automatically assumes that you don’t know anything or lack knowledge. You cannot date a mansplainer. Having said that, such men tend to cross the line on several other ends. If he turns friendly banter, into something meaner or offensive, understand that he’s toxic and misogynistic.
Solution: The best way to deal with this red flag on your first date is to call him out. Point out that he’s mansplaining and if he actually understands and takes it with a pinch of salt, then you’re in luck but if not, flee. Also, feel free to tell him that his mean comments do not count as friendly banter and that they’re borderline offensive. Do not let him get away with calling you ‘sensitive’ because I assure you that, that is not the case.
6. Opinions And Problems
It is perfectly normal to have different opinions about different things like politics, religion, sex, feminism and other such topics. While there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy debate on your first date, it’s not okay to have an argument. If your date is uncomfortable with differences of opinion and finds it difficult to ‘agree to disagree’, then that’s a red flag too.
Solution: If your date gets confrontational because of this, the only way out is out. And if your date is too eager to please you then that’s not gonna work either. You don’t want to be with someone who cannot agree to disagree or someone who is a people pleaser.
*Note: Apart from this, I think you’d like to stay away from 5kinds of people – the aggressive romantics, the ones who treat the waiter like crap, the ones who order for you without asking you, the pushy ones and the ones who talk more about their ex than anything else. Those are just first date red flags that tell you to save yourself the drama.