5 Reasons You Should Choose Yourself First, Whether You’re Single Or Committed
They say, when you grow up it’s hard to achieve peace. Maybe it’s because the world is brimming with insecurities, moral conflicts and unnecessary races. We are always rushing to achieve things and yet we carry a feeling of never being good enough. However, I can say that I am at peace. I am ambitious but I am not going to crib on my journey to my goals. I am flawed but I am not going to crib about my imperfections. Over the past couple of years, I have worked on myself and deepened my self-love. That’s one thing that has made me sail through everything and given me immense amount of peace, even in moments of distress.
I have stretched myself thin for people I loved and while I am still willing to cross oceans for my loved ones, I don’t intend to spend myself completely doing that. You know, how you’re running on the treadmill at a higher speed and you get tired faster too. Going slow and steady makes you last longer. I don’t want to get burnt out. I used to date someone who chose himself every single time and I chose him too. So turns out, I was caring for him, he was for caring for him and nobody was caring for me! That’s when I decided that I shouldn’t depend on anyone to choose me and take care of me. What’s the guarantee that they will and even if they do, how long will it last?
What is choosing yourself first? It means helping yourself first, not over-spending yourself for others and saying a firm no when you must. It means you must love yourself and not need validation from another person. It is to complete yourself and not rely on another person to do that for you. Here are 5 reasons we should all choose ourselves first.
1) If you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone else happy
Have you realised when you’re having a great day, you tend to be warmer to people? You make better conversations, you say yes to more things and are generally kinder. And when you feel upset, people around you feel like they are walking on thin ice. Yep, unless you’re happy you can’t make anyone else happy and that will leave all your relationships in a sorry state. Do things that genuinely bring joy to you and say a crisp no to everything else.
2) Selflessness is cool until you start resenting your peeps
Do you have a friend who constantly needs you and drains your energy? They expect you to be there and you hate to be selfish so you let yourself get drained. Eventually, you will not have the enthusiasm to cater to other tasks in your life and you will start resenting them. It’s not good for either of you. So for instance, if your friend wants to party and all you need is a good night’s sleep, do what will rejuvenate you.
3) It will help you grow
My ex used to never skip his gym and prioritised it over anything else. Sometimes, over me too, which I hated. But I learnt that you need to choose your passion time and again, and push yourself to keep at it. Since then, I don’t let my mood swings, emotions and temptations take over my daily hustle. Choosing myself has helped me grow and follow my passion, which would have taken a backseat if I were choosing others. So if a plan is clashing with my belly dance class, I ditch the former.
4) If you don’t prioritise yourself, people will not prioritise you
When you’re constantly working on yourself and choosing your happiness, it calls for respect. People know that you know what you deserve and you won’t settle for anything less. They will value you only if you value yourself.
5) It helps you remain independent
Focusing on yourself helps you become independent of validation. I enjoy love and attention, like any other person. But my self-worth is not dependent on anybody else. So tomorrow if someone walks out, I will obviously be upset but I won’t lose myself along with them. I still love myself.