Men Don’t Need To Save Us. We Just Need Them To Call Out Problematic Behaviour In Other Men.

Men, take notes!

Recently, UN Chief António Guterres revealed that every 11 minutes a woman is killed by an intimate partner or family member. The violence against women across the globe is rising rapidly and there’s hardly anything that we’ve been able to do about it despite all the conversations around it. November 25 is observed as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. This day is aimed at calling for global action to eliminate violence against women while raising awareness about it. TBH, for the longest time now, women have been beating their chests and shouting at top of their lungs to raise awareness about violence against women and women’s rights among other things but not much has changed. Amid all of this, we often hear men claiming to be feminists but NGL, I find it tough to believe. Men can be allies but in my personal and honest opinion, men cannot understand the kind of conditioning we have and how our bodies work and that puts them at a disadvantage and makes it tough for them to be feminists but they sure can be our allies.

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As feminist allies, what can men do to eliminate violence against women on a global scale? Well, TBH as women we don’t want men to be our knights in shining armour and save us from troubles. But I’ll give you some food for thought. As a woman, every other woman I know has experienced some or other kind of abuse at least once in their lifetime. Now, coming to men, I don’t know any men who have harassed or abused a woman and as men, I’m sure most of you don’t know any either. Why? Most abusers don’t open up and confess what they’ve done but more importantly, patriarchy has ensured that people trust men over women. TBH, men wield power in our patriarchal society and their words hold more value as compared to women. I mean look at Sajid Khan’s participation in Bigg Boss 16 even after 10 women accused him of sexual misconduct. As a society, we have fought tooth and nail to have him removed from the show and we’ve all failed. So, when a man around us is accused of any kind of abuse or misconduct we simply ignore it and continue living our lives like nothing ever happened.

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Also Read: Unconditional Support Can Help Women Leave Abusive Relationships. This Twitter Thread Explains How To Provide It

How Can Men Help In Eliminating Violence Against Women?

Well, to begin with, they can call a man accused of abuse or misconduct an accused. Just start by calling a spade, a spade. Now, I know men believe saving women and standing up for them is the way to go but I promise you, we’ve been fighting on our own for so long now, we just don’t need someone to fight our battles for us. Instead maybe men can simply begin by calling our problematic behaviour of those around them. You know how they say, charity begins at home. So, instead of going out and playing saviour or hero for someone else, try starting by calling out your brother, father and even your mother if needed for problematic behaviour.

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Also Read: International Day For The Elimination Of Violence Against Women Can Actually Be A Trigger!

We don’t need men to stand up for us and save us but instead just call out all those around you for displaying sexist behaviour. Call them out for misbehaving with women and mistreating them, call them out for not valuing women and teach them how to unlearn problematic behaviour traits and conditioning instead of sitting around and expecting us women to teach you the basics of how to unlearn. And this begins with you accepting that it’s not a woman’s job to teach a man how to be a feminist ally and unlearn toxic things. No one taught us, we did it on our own instead of expecting others to teach us things and as men, ya’ll gotta buck up.

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Janvi Manchanda

​​She uses her pen to slice through patriarchy. She could be Geet one day, Wednesday Addams next. Writing is the bane of her existence and the object of all her desires!

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