I know couples who prefer talking throughout the day via text and even call each other the moment they get a chance. That’s cute if you seek that kind of connection. There are couples who talk so little you wonder how do they bond. I like it to be balanced. In my past relationships, I have wanted to speak every day and we did. Then I dated guys who weren’t that available – emotionally too but let’s focus on the calling bit for now. We just texted every day and then spoke on calls rarely. Today, I may have gotten used to being distant but how do I say for sure when nobody’s calling me?
The point being, how much connection on a daily basis is enough? How little is too little? It’s hard to tell if you and your partner are on a different page. In fact, is there a good enough frequency?
Someone took to Reddit to figure the answers. They wrote, “How much do you talk to someone you’re with (exclusively or not) in a day or week? If not much, why?” They further said, “Do you guys always send them good morning texts? Or just talk to them before the day ends? Just wondering cause the guy i’ve been seeing stopped sending good morning texts like he used to and only texts me at least once or twice a day. He manages to call before the day ends sometimes but that’s about it. I’m not sure if that means cause he’s less interested now or he’s just comfortable enough with the connection we have and just really busy so i’m wondering if most guys are like that too? How much do you guys talk to your SO?”
She clarified, “Not that I’m overthinking it that much, it’s just that the past guys i’ve been with were really different.”
Comments started pouring in as people on Reddit helped her with different aspects of the situation.
Someone wrote, “He’s still calling you once per day your all good.” However, it’s really not about that, is it? What matters is if your needs are met. “If not, say something. If they think it’s a hassle, then make your decision. From my perspective, all the best relationships I’ve ever seen have been able to grant each other space,” a user advised.
Now, maybe I am a talkative person and would love it if we had like four-hour jobs but since that’s not how it is, we gotta just take other things into account. “I know when I’m working sometimes I’ll have my phone where i can get to it but a lot of days I’ll put it on silent where i can’t see it. Somebody calls or texts in work hours and i wouldn’t know. Especially if it’s somebody i really like, if I’m texting all day i won’t get shit done because I’m focused on the person I’m texting not the job at hand,” a user explained. Sometimes, it’s not about how much couples want to talk but also how much you can while continuing to be productive in life.
I realised that I never asked this guy I was seeing to hang out with me because I was always conscious about not wanting to impose myself on him. Of course, it gave him all sorts of wrong ideas that I don’t quite like him. Sucks, right? We just have to be more expressive and take the leap. If he genuinely cares for you, it will never be an imposition. Similarly, you will talk more if you show enough interest. “Based on your post, he seems to be the sole initiator of conversations. He used to send morning texts, he used to text once or twice a day and he calls at the end of the day. If that’s the case, then I’d lose interest pretty fast. I’m interested in someone that is interested in me as much as I am into them and one person that would reach out when I don’t,” a user wrote.
Turns out, the girl who has been overthinking about this is like me after all. “Damn you’re right. I’m the type who feels anxious to bother someone or be like too expressive that might seem “too much” but I probably should text first once in a while,” she said.
Here’s the thing. When we meet someone new, we tend to talk a lot. New couples or to-be-couples can sit for hours and hours and talk non-stop every single day. They have so much to share because the other person knows nothing. Over a period of time, the conversations get limited and you’re already secure of the connection.
I can still talk for several hours but not every day. “It’s not uncommon for us to go a day or two without talking or texting if one of us is busy or preoccupied with something like work stuff. Some weekends get skipped over just because one or both of us wanted some time to just be with ourself and our thoughts. But eventually one of us ends up calling the other because we’ll miss each other. In the end it averages out that we’re talking and/or texting everyday, but in reality it’s often a lot of talking on some days and then nothing on others lol. But the gaps don’t bother us, and only makes it more special and meaningful when we do hear each other’s voices that next time,” a user wrote.
Someone spoke about how too much anxiousness over being connected all day can be not good for a relationship. “Obviously communication settles down in to a daily routine. When you’re first meeting someone everything is about them for a while. As time goes on regular life makes itself known again. Honestly, my preferred level would be a phone call in the evening and no texting. I haaaate texting and being tied to my phone. Not having looked at my phone for an hour should not be a reason for anxiety, but previous girlfriends made it so because they got so god damned upset when i didn’t reply immediately. That behavior is now one of my many acquired deal breakers,” they wrote.
Another user summed it up, “Everyone’s got a life, and is going to be busy from time to time.” There’s no fixed amount healthy couples talk; it’s all about finding a balance between your needs and your time.