5 Things Couples Should Do Before Their Marriage To Ensure A Good Start
When you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, everything seems sweet about each other. You drop “Awws” at a faster rate than India’s getting vaccinated at the moment and everything seems blissful. Fights? What fights? Even when you do fight, you make up in no time because you can’t live without each other. When you’re looking at everything through rose-tinted glasses, who wants to talk about things like shared finances, expectations, boundaries and all that when it comes to marriage? Right?
You’re in the mood to talk about the moon and the stars and how your eyes have the depth of an ocean. You want to talk about how you want to spend your life together and romanticize co-habilitation and marriage to an extent that you forget the reality of it.
Marriage isn’t all about a lifetime of sleepovers and cuddles. It’s a lot of work too. And if you’re partner is amazing, it’s all worth it! Yet, when couples get married, their expectations are met with reality and often they are ill-prepared to deal with it.
Which is why, to keep your relationship moving smoothly post marriage, it’s important to discuss the essentials before it.
Learn to fight fair and lovely
You won’t always find each other’s flaws endearing! You’ll be living with each, thinking for two, planning for two and sometimes, things will drive you crazy. Tempers will flare and before you know it, the couple who only whispered sweet nothings are throwing verbal knives at each other. In that fit of rage, our brain refuses to think straight and we can’t even rationalise, leading the fight to worsen. This is the best time to learn to pick your battles wisely. Know when to let go and when to pursue a “discussion”, not a fight. Practise mindfulness and communicating without accusing. I wonder why people don’t read up on communicating effectively in relationships. We research so much on a restaurant we are going to but walk into a marriage ill-prepared!
Discuss the milestones
Talk about shared finances, budget allocation and future financial goals as a couple. Discuss whether you both want kids and if yes, when you are intending to make babies. Will you be staying with his family forever? Will you eventually buy a home? Do your values match? Discuss these things so later in life you’re not shocked or worse, forced to do something you don’t want to.
Discuss expectations and responsibilities
What is your definition of fidelity? What part are you supposed to play in this marriage, especially about sharing responsibilities? Imagine, you may get married to this seemingly woke guy assuming you’d share home duties and he refuses to lift a finger post marriage. Or if he tells you to quit your job!
Grow trust and butterflies
I believe when you trust the other person’s intention and feelings, fights are not that difficult to resolve. In fact, everything falls in place. If I know my love did something annoying but when I think of how much he loves me, I feel compassionately for him. I try to empathise with him and communicate with kindness. Even in situations where misunderstandings can happen, knowing he loves me will help me give him the benefit of doubt until we talk about it.
Along with that, we need butterflies – lots of them! When you’re crazy about someone, you’re a little more motivated to keep the wheels running!
ALSO READ: Thinking About Sexual Compatibility In An Arranged Marriage? A Marriage Coach Weighs In
Establish healthy boundaries
This is very important! A lot of people have mismatched expectations when they enter a marriage. In fact, because how in the honeymoon period you barely need any space, it becomes the norm. And when you start wanting some, your partner may feel not prioritized. This is why you should establish healthy boundaries from the start. You should have the time to spend with your family, friends and for doing things you love that may or may not include him. Even in co-dependent relationships, we need a little privacy, a little space for ourselves. Do it even if in the honeymoon phase you feel like he’s all you need!
