If He Says These Things In An Arranged Marriage Setup, Run For Your Life
As a 29-year-old single woman with standards and a particular hatred for misogyny, I am really afraid of how I will react when penis-proud men throw sexist comments at me. Now generally, I like to surround myself with liberal people – both men and women. I believe empowerment is contagious and it just brings me a lot of encouragement and strength. However, when we sign up for meeting guys in an arranged marriage setup, nobody introduces themselves as “single misogynistic asshole looking to destroy a happy woman’s life.” They all tell you how they are open-minded and their parents are not looking for a daughter-in-law but a daughter.
Going by the number of men claiming to be very liberal, believing in gender-equality, misogyny shouldn’t completely cease to exist in India. And yet, you see it everywhere, so where is it coming from? I say, most of them are wokefishing young women to believe they are all cool. Why? Because women are empowered and independent. We will not knowingly sign up for someone who has a male ego and will show signs of entitlement.
In an arranged marriage setup, we don’t have the time to observe them for a few years before deciding to get married. And if we must hurry up, we need to look out for key phrases that all asshole-y male potential suitors say in an arranged marriage setup. Here you go!
“You must not work post-marriage/babies”
You must not be an ass but what can we do about it? These men are the absolute worst. They strongly support the sexist gender roles and make sure they crush your career and right to make your own choices in the most efficient way.
“A woman must…”
They have a long list of things “a woman must” do. We must dress conservatively, be soft-spoken, be a religious human, and have no sexual desires or demands whatsoever. “A woman must” respect her husband. Why does it have anything to with gender? Husbands need to respect their wives too. Plus, who the hell are you to tell me what a woman must do? A woman must not entertain a piece of crap and that’s what I will do. Arranged marriage setup or not, we know our worth.
“Do you know how to cook?”
This question is only valid when I ask you too and you reply in the affirmative. Tell me you know how to cook and we will do it together. Okay, I’d rather have a cook but not everyone has that option. But if you expect me to make you round rotis while you give me good ratings as wifey, fuck you.
“I want someone to take care of my parents”
It’s not like a nice person will not take care of your parents. And honestly, the husband too has equal responsibility towards my parents. It’s not like we can abandon mine and just take care of his. However, if that is the sole reason you are getting married, why don’t you just hire a caretaker instead of finding a woman in an arranged marriage setup?
“I want a homely girl”
What is a “homely girl” even? What are these labels? Is it that women who like to party, travel, have a social life and a career have homes that are absolute mess? These men want someone who can embrace being at home like an indoor house plant. Why don’t you just bury me within a wall like Anarkali?
“We HAVE TO follow traditions”
Oh, no you must wear a mangalsutra, have a bloody red maang, and change your surname to his. You must go ahead with every puja, ritual, and belief that his parents promote. Why? Because you do not have the right to have your own beliefs and opinions and choice, he thinks. Such rigidness has never brought happiness to anyone.
“Do you have male friends?”
What are we – 12-year-old convent school girls? Okay, I was in a convent school so I didn’t have male friends back then. But what’s with that question? There’s no such thing as male friends, they are just friends! If you marry this guy, he will make sure he is the only guy that exists in your life, except your family members.
“Are you a virgin?”
Wait, I don’t remember stepping into a time machine and travelling to biblical times. How can there exist millennials coming from an urban culture wanting a virgin wife? It’s an arranged marriage setup, not an e-commerce portal for virgins. How rigid must you be to resist progressing? If a guy is concerned about your virginity, even if you are, ask him to go fuck himself.
“After marriage, you can’t…”
Stop right there. That sentence doesn’t seem right. Marriage is not an institution that sanctions legal slavery. Oh, you don’t want me to have sleepovers, trips with my parents, wear stunning clothes, and have a life? If you excuse me, all those things that you don’t want me to do after marriage (good luck dreaming that’s happening!) – write them on a piece of paper and shove it where it deserves to be.
ALSO READ: Going For An Arranged Marriage Meeting? Here’s What You Should Notice To Know If He’s Husband Material
“Your parents will pay for the wedding”
Firstly, if my parents had so much money, they’d invest it in sending me to like Egypt or something for learning belly dancing. I could take up a volunteer program with wild cats in South Africa. Or I would ask them to set up a fund to help inter-faith couples getting married. Why should you expect that the girl’s parents will pay entirely for the wedding? Why don’t you send us the bills for your jockeys as well?