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I Stopped Having Sex For A Year And This Is What I Learnt From My Dry Spell

January 16, 2020 | by Akanksha Narang

Do you remember that episode of Friends in which Ross confesses to not having had sex since six months? And then he says, “It’s not all bad, I’m learning to appreciate the small things like the sound of a bird and like the colour of the sky.” Well, I can’t deny that for the past one year, I could hear him say that several times in my head and I almost consoled him saying, “I am with you.” Now I won’t pretend to be above moh maaya and begin to appreciate the colour of the sky. If anything, it makes me feel blue. I stopped having sex and I will admit, it sucks!

At this point, I can relate to my old desktop which is functional yet is just sitting there collecting dust. I am worried — when I finally switch it on, will it even remember how to work? I guess my virginity is just going to relapse, regrow, reattach, resurrect or something like that (society rejoice!). I won’t pretend to not have sexual desires. There are times when I feel like I don’t need sex and then there are times when I feel like hoeing around, spreading joy and my legs. Vodka elevates my libido and I have completely sworn off it because I don’t want to break my dry spell with any random dude. But here’s the thing, this dry spell has actually made me more aware of my sexual needs, patterns and desires and a few things that I could live without knowing. If you too, have been off sex, you will probably relate to the things I have learnt.

  1. I love foreplay more than sex

This has been a time of self-discovery and I realised that sex is great but foreplay is the realest thing. If the foreplay isn’t great, it doesn’t matter how good he is at penetrative sex. And even if I don’t have sex, foreplay can leave me satisfied for a long time. Now I know why they ask you to enjoy the journey and not worry about the destination.

  1. I know what makes me come, a lot better now

When you’ve been abstaining from sex, you have to maintain a rigorous masturbation routine because how else are you gonna be satisfied? And at this point, I can draw out a map of my erogenous zones for the next guy I f*ck.


  1. Porn cannot substitute sex but you’re still thankful for it

Unless they make virtual reality porn, it’s not even remotely close to sex. However, I really feel thankful for it, from the bottom of my heart and pants. What would I have done when my imagination isn’t as strong as my libido?

  1. You can have a sexual dream about anyone

I swear to God, I had a romantic (not sexual) dream about Ajay Devgn! I am not even attracted to him and then I woke up feeling so weird. Then Google told me to relax because apparently sexual dreams don’t mean that you want to have sex with that person. Sorry, Kajol, I really didn’t mean to.

  1. You don’t have to have sex to get cuddles

Aah…those cuddles. I am abstaining from sex, not cuddles and I realised I don’t have to. This is so far the best discovery of my adult life. Okay, the second best, first being finding my G-spot.

  1. A hot scene can make your panties dripping wet

I can orgasm watching Khal Drogo and Daenerys getting it on. At that point, you curse your dry spell but then you look at your unwaxed legs and realise that there are pros to not being sexually active.

  1. But there are better pleasures in life

Sure, there are — like watching the sun set, walking barefoot on a beach. Okay, who am I kidding? Unless I am talking about a chocolate fountain and a fully sponsored trip, there’s no better pleasure.

  1. There’s nothing sad about a dry spell

Seriously speaking, I wasn’t miserable or anything because of lack of sex. You can always make yourself orgasm and thank God for that. Otherwise, life would still be great but just…unhorny.

  1. It taught me to not settle for anything less

Nothing short of genuine intimacy is what I deserve and I won’t settle for anything that’s half-hearted. At the end, the abbreviated attention satisfes me for a few moments but takes away my peace later.

ALSO READ: I Couldn’t Orgasm With A Partner For The Longest Time But This One Guy Changed All That

  1. But I won’t volunteer for being celibate

Really, won’t. I thoroughly enjoy sex and I think I have enough time for reflection and introspection. I am done with being celibate! But then, you also feel differently about sex at different times. You can feel all up for casual sex and then swear off it. Your libido can be sky high and then be gone in another phase. It’s okay to feel whatever it is that you feel.

ALSO READ: 5 Reasons You Should Talk About Sex With Your Girlfriends. I Do It All The Time

Akanksha Narang

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