The Relationship Between Sex And Psychology, Do Thoughts Ruin The Sensual Experience?

Sigmund Freud was totally right when he said, “A complete absence of sex is the only thing which can be properly considered sexual deviance. Everything else is just a matter of taste.” Come on, let’s face facts, sex is important. It is essential for you, for your relationships, for your emotional and psychical well-being and your life as a social being.

So, why do add a hush-hush factor to it as we categorise it behind perverse which adds a level of social stigma to it and adds up to our mental stress and guilt? Alas, that’s not it, from agonising over cash to hard times at work, stress and pressure–when there is an ongoing turmoil in your psyche, it can result in various problems along with low libido and sex drive.

Managing such a significant number of concerns and thoughts can affect your sexual coexistence and conceivably cause relationship issues and hence, completely shatter an experience that was supposed to be all about affection and pleasure.

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What Exactly Happens In Such Situations?

Sexuality frames a fundamental and essential piece of our lives. Regardless of whether that sexuality is communicated with a partner, with a few partners, or exclusively with ourselves, our sexual coexistence can be very essential for our pleasure and provides meaning to our lives. The problem is that we often just think that sex is a purely physical act however, a great deal of our sex life happens in our minds. It’s critical to understand that our musings, thoughts and sentiments play a very crucial job in getting us turned on and keeping us that way.

In fact, stress, nervousness or depression can actually have very direct effects on sexual excitement and can demolish the whole sexy mindset. Uneasiness and other related psychological battles can make it difficult for us to be relaxed enough to have or appreciate sex. They do so by dominating the moment and taking over our mind entirely, with stress or meddlesome and interruptive thoughts.

The basic problem is, if and when we are at the point in life when we feel burdened or taken over by thoughts, exceptionally unwell and battling our brains and life just to function, sex is rarely at the top of our minds. This state often causes erectile problems as well as the inability to orgasm, in women and hence, becomes a proper hindrance to the pleasure party!

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Is There A Possible Biological Explanation Here?

Since our minds and our bodies run together like a well-oiled machine, a malfunction or problem in one part can cause various hindrances and reactions in the other, this is what stress, depression, anxiety, nervousness or other psychological situations do. When we come face to face with such a situation, our body experiences a rapid progression of changes to set us up for a ‘flight or fight response’.

This is basically a mini-debate that we have in our mind so as to deliberate whether we can take the situation in front of us is in our hands or if we should run away for survival. Once this happens, we suddenly experience an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate while non-essential functions, like sex drive, are acutely diminished. In other words, we freak out and lose our ‘inner freak’ which takes away all the fun from the situation.

This reaction likewise triggers the arrival of various hormones like cortisol and epinephrine, which in significant levels can cause diminished sex drive and help us set up a system to stop hyperventilation and calm down. In situations where the stress is dangerously high or chronic, the body utilizes sex hormones to satisfy the expanded needs for higher cortisol creation, diminishing your enthusiasm for sex too. That’s why, ‘when your mind gets iffy, you can’t get a stiffy’.

I have personally gone through a situation like this when I was having sex with one of my partners and he told me that he loves me, a weird sudden stressful building of thoughts appeared in my mind and the commitment fear caused my body to push over into the ‘fight tor flight’ mode. Well, needless to say. . . the fun was gone and I couldn’t orgasm. It was bad, pretty bad.

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What Can You Do In Such Situations?

First of all, it’s essential to understand that situations like these are nothing to worry about or be embarrassed about. They are very common and we all go through them. One of the best things that you can do for yourself and your partner is to take a minute and just breathe. Talk to them, let them know what is bothering you and work it out together.

If the problem becomes repetitive and persists, consider visiting either a couples’ therapist with your partner or a sex therapist. Remember, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help to find out what might be up and then, you can begin working towards a solution to the same.

Also Read: 10 Thoughts Every Woman Has After Having Mind-Blowing Sex

Lastly, you have got to remember to chill, keep a sex-positive attitude and just, do you. Do not let the stigma affect your needs and live your life as you want and on your terms. You deserve pleasure so, feel free to let your freak out!

Image Credits: Freepik/Representational Images

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