Remember how Devi Vishwakumar from Never Have I Ever was attracted to Ethan Morales soon after she found out that he vandalized her car. She couldn’t stop herself from getting involved with this bad boy and that’s a bit too relatable, na? I mean, there was Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries, Nate Jacobs in Euphoria, Joe Goldberg in You, and President Fitzgerald Grant in Scandal. Over the years, we’ve seen far too many toxic alpha males in reel and real life that we’ve been attracted to. And every time we see a strong badass female character feel attracted to a Kabir Singh-type toxic alpha male, we wonder why. Why would a woman pick a toxic man? Why in the world would she put herself through all the trouble? Well, I’m here to evaluate why all of us women are attracted to toxic alpha males.
But, Who Are Toxic Alpha Males?
Toxic alpha male refers to men who are bold, confident and powerful but are also emotionally unavailable or exhibit toxic behaviours like possessiveness, jealousy and other such behaviours that can also border abusive behaviour. Usually, most of us women are so blown away by these “damaged” and emotionally unavailable but bold men that we’re blind to their toxic traits or simply normalise it in the name of love, romance and passion. But why do women do that? Well, that’s what we’ll understand next.
Also Read: 6 Problematic Things He Does In The Name Of Love That You Shouldn’t Be Okay With
Why Women Like Toxic Alpha Males?
1. They Like Playing Fixer
We’re all aware of how being a “fixer” has been romanticised. The idea of a toxic alpha male changing for a woman is what encourages women to go after problematic men and try to “fix” them. The way the world has romanticised it has made us all want to go around fixing people as if it’s in our control!
2. The Chase Is Thrilling
There’s no denying that as human beings we enjoy the back and forth and the chase before a romance begins. The mind games, chase and the person being out of our reach make it all the more fun to go after a toxic alpha male.
3. Pop Culture Has Conditioned Women!
Films, series and books have time and again romanticised the cliché toxic alpha male because according to pop culture, when they love, they change and they love so passionately. We’ve all been brainwashed into believing that a partner who is possessive and dominating is sexy and that’s the biggest reason why we all end up chasing after the clichés which end with us getting our hearts broken!
4. Toxic Alpha Males Are Addictive
Toxic alpha males end up giving us too much attention and use love bombing to reel us in. And once they have us, they keep us attracted with the hot and cold game and after a point, the highs and lows are so addictive that it’s tough to let go. More so because when they give us relief from stressful situations by showering us with love our body releases happy hormones like Dopamine and Oxytocin which is literally what causes us to become addicted to these men and such “passionate” relationships.
5. Childhood Trauma Makes It Normal!
Some of us fine in peace in chaos because chaos is our normal, because we’ve grown up in chaos. In the same way, many of us who have grown up surrounded by toxic male figures in our families, that’s what we go out looking for in our partner. In fact, according to research, women tend to pick men who are like their fathers (so if your father was a toxic alpha male, that’s what you’ll be attracted to).
Also Read: Looking Out For Toxic Dating Trends Is Actually Derailing Your Love Life!
6. Low Self-Esteem Could Be The Cause!
This patriarchal society has made sure that women are raised to doubt themselves and have low self-esteem and to feel better about themselves, Women tend to do charity which often comes in the form of “fixing” badly raised men. The need for external validation makes women become people pleasers, and pushovers who let toxic alpha males get away with crappy behaviour.
NGL but this cycle needs to break, not just for our own good but also for this world and our own kids so, we don’t raise more girls to accept toxic behaviour and fall for it.