We’ve all been there spending so much time with someone we love, yet somehow feeling disconnected. It’s strange, right? You’d think being physically close would automatically mean feeling closer emotionally. But as it turns out, that’s not always the case. This phenomenon, called the proximity paradox, is a real thing, and it’s something that’s affecting couples and families more than ever.
To dig deeper into this, I turned to Dr. Chandni Tugnait, a psychotherapist and life coach. She broke it down for me in the simplest way, and honestly, it all makes so much sense now. Here’s what she shared:
1) We Mistake Being Around Each Other for Being Close
When we’re physically together, we assume we’re emotionally connected too. But that’s not true. Think about it, how many times have you been sitting with your partner or family, both of you glued to your phones, barely saying a word? That’s not connection; it’s just parallel existence. Over time, this together but not really vibe starts chipping away at emotional intimacy.
2) Too Much Togetherness Can Feel Suffocating
Dr. Tugnait compared it to a garden, plants need space to grow, and so do relationships. Spending too much time in each other’s pockets blurs personal boundaries. And when we feel like our individuality is being squeezed, we unconsciously build emotional walls to protect ourselves. Those walls might keep us feeling safe, but they also create distance.
3) We Stop Being Curious About Each Other
Here’s the thing when you’re around someone all the time, you start assuming you know everything about them. You stop asking questions, stop showing genuine interest, and before you know it, conversations become more about what’s for dinner than how someone’s really feeling. And that lack of curiosity? It kills emotional depth.
4) Small Annoyances Get Amplified
Spending so much time together means little things like someone’s noisy chewing or the way they leave their socks around, start feeling HUGE. Those tiny irritations that you’d normally brush off? They can build up and create a wedge between you.
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5. No Mystery, No Spark
Let’s face it relationships thrive on a little mystery. When you’re always around someone, seeing every side of them, the excitement and novelty can fade. Familiarity might breed comfort, but it also risks creating boredom.
So, what can we do to fix this? According to Dr. Tugnait, it’s all about balance. Make time for individual hobbies and personal space. Be intentional about connecting emotionally ask meaningful questions, listen deeply, and find ways to rediscover each other.
At the end of the day, it’s not about how much time you spend together; it’s about how you spend that time. Quality always trumps quantity when it comes to connection.
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