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Cheating In The Modern Era: Has Infidelity Turned Into A Kink?

July 13, 2022 | by Mehak Walia

We all have had some experience with cheating. Either we have been the cheater or the one being cheated on, or else have seen someone else go through it. Cheating is an act of being unfaithful to your partner. It is inherently non-consensual and non-monogamous. It is an act which results in breaking a promise or commitment. This includes romantic or sexual relations with someone other than your partner or spouse to whom you have made a vow or commitment.

Unfaithfulness in a relationship can lead to psychological and emotional problems including rage and increased aggressiveness, loss of trust and trust issues, reduction in personal and sexual confidence, sadness or depression, damaged self-esteem, and fear of abandonment. It provides the one who has been cheated on with a justification to leave their partner and therefore leads to breakups and divorces.

But What Exactly Does Cheating Include?

This definition of cheating or infidelity in a relationship is defined by the people involved in it. Broadly it includes vaginal and anal sexual intercourse, oral sex, mutual masturbation, BDSM and potentially phone sex and ‘sexting’. But every couple, or people involved, have their own definition of cheating, and hence it isn’t fixed. This open-to-interpretation nature of the term is leading to an observed decrease in cheating.

According to one 2017 study, the number of people who cheat on their partners has steadily decreased in the past decade. Millennials are cheating on their partners less than the previous generations. This might partly be due to the fact that our definitions of cheating have changed. There is a rise in open relationships, ethical non-monogamy, etc.

Cheating, however, sometimes happens in our subconscious too. If you have caught yourself having fantasies or dreams of cheating on your partner that doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t want to be in that relationship or want to end it.

There are several reasons behind having cheating fantasies:

1. You are scared of commitment. This fear makes cheating look enticing.

2. You have a lot of sexual energy right now. This can happen if you are in your “honeymoon” phase or if are sexually unfulfilled.

3. Interest in or curiosity about an open relationship. Maybe you have fetishes like ‘hotwifing’ or cuckolding.

4. You have some unresolved frustration or anger towards your partner. It might be a way to get revenge or hurt them.

5. You have the cheating kink. The idea of cheating is “naughty” and “breaks the rules” which is arousing for you.

How To Deal With The Cheating Kink

The cheating kink or homewrecker kink is primarily driven by the thrill of getting caught or holding a dirty secret. This kind of fetish can have major repercussions on your own relationship and others as well. The best solution to it begins with an honest conversation with your partner.

Some of the new forms of relationships can help find a middle ground, these include:-

1. Open relationships


It is an intimate relationship which is sexually non-monogamous. Which means that they have the permission to be romantically or sexually involved with someone outside the relationship.

2. Swinging


This involves committed couples consensually exchanging partners specifically for sexual relations and can make your kinks work out in the long run. 

3. Monogam-ish

In this, the couple is primarily monogamous but allows varying degrees of sexual contact with others. For example allow only one-night stands or specific levels of sexual activities, etc.

Also Read: 9 Things You Can Do For A Better Sex Life And Improved Sexual Health

4. Polyamory



It involves openly conducting multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously, ideally with the knowledge and consent of all involved in or affected by the relationships.

5. Polyfidelity

It is similar to polyamory, except that it is a closed relationship that requires sexual and emotional fidelity to an intimate group that is larger than two.

The urge to explore is natural but to hurt your partners in the process by betrayal isn’t essential. Being open and honest in a relationship can solve even the biggest of issues. We just need to learn to be more accepting and understanding of people’s choices. Let’s make relationships about acceptance. Eh? 

Also Read: Researchers Find What Improves Physical Intimacy In Relationships

7 Healthy Ways To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship

Mehak Walia

Mehak Walia is an author and journalist who is addicted to psychology, true crime, Netflix, sarcasm, and makeup!

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