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Canada’s Health Chiefs Suggest Couples Use “Glory Holes” For Safe Sex During These Time. That’s Just Bizarre

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This pandemic has wreaked havoc in our lives and it felt like I was pushed off a 90-degree water slide without warning. For those who fear nothing, this must be all fun but my fear of heights makes me hate it. This global crisis comes laced with loneliness as social distancing has become the norm. We can’t just catch up with our friends over coffee or visit the nearest dive bar for some cheap beer. If we must meet anyone socially, a whole lot of planning goes behind it and with anxiety playing at the back of our minds.

Gone are the days where you could just put red lipstick on, wear your sexiest dress and strut your way to a sizzling date. All those dating app notifications, asking guys to calm dicks and wait till you get comfortable meeting them seem like a distant dream. You know how ecstatic you felt when you bought outfits right before the sale ended or just about caught the bus! Yeah, those people who hit it off with their matches before the lockdown, or got into a relationship feel exactly this way. Rest of us? I am single and making love to Jason Momoa in my head because at this point I don’t even have a real guy to fantasise about. So as I drool over his abs on my laptop’s home screen, somewhere authorities are giving sex advice in the pandemic, for those who can still get some.

The B C Centre for Disease Control has released some suggestions for people to maintain safety protocols while sexing it up. They advised people to “use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.” For the uninitiated, glory holes are basically orifices on a wall used for sexual activity, mostly oral sex. So a man can insert his penis through the hole and the person on the other side of the wall can stimulate it.

Honestly, I never thought that health officials would give a suggestion like that. They meant it for couples or like private glory holes at home. But I wonder it would so weird to call like a handyman over to drill a vent into your wall, big enough for a man’s penis to pass. Are we moving towards a mindblowing era? When looking for an apartment, will they have specifications like 4 windows, pre-installed kitchen vent, and en-suite glory holes? I don’t know how these could ever work, except in shady bathroom stalls of a porn shop in Arizona.

A Reddit user shared his experience back in the day when glory holes were popular, he said, “Before the days of the internet, there used to be a guide that was sold on a monthly basis at adult bookstores that enumerated and gave the addresses of every known glory hole in America. I thought they were an urban myth  —  surely no one would blindly stick one of their most prized possessions through a hole where the person on the other side might be a sadistic razor-wielder or have steel teeth like that Bond villain. But when I got to the one address I scoped in my area, there it was.” However, glory holes tend to objectify a sexual partner as Tina Horn, producer and host of the podcast Why Are People Into That?! explains, “Glory holes represent objectification in the truest sense: If you stick your junk through a glory hole, the rest of your humanity is erased. You’re just a cock. That’s all you’re good for. That could be humiliating, of course, which is a very common turn-on because of the intensity of that emotion.” Mark Simpson a journalist of coined the word ‘metrosexual’ spoke about glory holes in a 2002 essay. “The glory hole itself is the ultimate symbol of anonymous ‘no-strings’ sex: an erect, disembodied cock sticking through a wall. Even bricks and mortar can’t hold it back. Nameless, shameless desire,” he wrote. And how does the person on the other side feel, sucking off a piece of flesh and blood not knowing who it belongs to? It could as well be a dildo.

If you research further, you will find out that there are high-end versions of these private glory holes that come cushioned to avoid scraping of someone’s precious possession. And while this entire culture popularised in the public lavatories of the 1950s, today these inglorious holes are more common in porn than in real life, or so I hope. In fact, I came across a post of a guy who featured in one of these glory holes porn and explained how amazing it was for him. But then again, he had kinda seen the adult actress who was going to suck him and had found her attractive.

As intriguing as this concept sounds, it is better left to those who fantasise it and I wouldn’t want to have a glory hole in my home and give out blowjobs to my partner through a wall. We might as well use sex toys, which btw people have been investing in, all over the world. In India itself, the sale has gone up 65%.

ALSO READ:Netherlands Is Advising Its Citizens To Have Sex And Cuddle Buddies. Meanwhile, We Are Regrowing Our Virginity In This Lockdown

New York officials had advised people to follow self-love practices in the past and now, they’ve suggested people explore their kinks. “Make it a little kinky. Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact,” their guide reads.

Whether people install glory holes or create makeshift ones at home or not, I am just glad that as much as the sexless period sucks, it has led to people talking openly about sex. Horniness has finally found its outlet!

ALSO READ: Healthcare Officials Across The Globe Are Advising People On The Right Way To Have Sex During The Pandemic. Guess It’s Time For The ‘Talk’.


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