6 Things Heterosexuals Should Keep In Mind When Dating A Bisexual PersonBi people share tips!
Humans are complex beings and their relationships are even more complex. As heterosexual people, we often find relationships extremely complicated, now imagine a heterosexual person dating a bisexual person. It’s not uncommon for straight men to date bisexual women and expect threesomes and want their girlfriends to “kiss a girl”. And the sad reality of this world is that Bisexual people are often considered to be “easy” or “loose” and this is also why they do not get much acceptance from heterosexuals or from the people of the LGBTQ+ community. This is why, we spoke to some bisexual people to share things that they want heterosexual people to do in a relationship.
1. Stop Treating Bisexual Person As Exotic
Heterosexual people more often than not, sexualise bisexual people and act like they’ve hit the jackpot when they end up dating someone who identifies as bi.
27-year-old Akira from Kolkata, who identifies as bisexual says, “They (heterosexuals) should first stop treating a bisexual person as an exotic object that they can sexualise.”
Speaking about the same, 28-year-old Ashish Kapoor from Pune says, “Bisexual people get a bad rap for being particularly oversexed and just confused which is so wrong. As a heterosexual partner, you need to let these awful notions go. They are BS.”
2. Bisexual People Are Not Promiscuous
Heterosexual people often experience severe insecurity when in a relationship with someone who is bisexual. They’re quick to assume that this person won’t be loyal to them as they swing both ways.
Speaking about it, Ashish Kapoor says, “There is a common notion that bisexual people are promiscuous which is probably the reason behind this insecurity. Bisexuals are not any more or less likely to be monogamous than anyone else. It’s a choice and straight people need to realise that.”
24-year-old Janette from Delhi says, “From a heterosexual person’s point of view it’s essential to understand that even though bisexual people are attracted to two or more genders, this doesn’t mean they are attracted to everyone. They have limits and standards, just like everyone else does.”
Akira adds, “Just because someone is bi, that doesn’t mean that they’d be cheating on you with someone else.”
3. Learn To Be Good Allies
As heterosexual people, we often fail to identify and acknowledge our privilege and that’s why we epically fail at being queer allies.
“Heteros need to learn how to be good allies and be comfortable with our sexuality, it’s not supposed to be the other way round,” says 23-year-old Ananya Singh from Delhi.
Discussing the same, 27-year-old Natasha Kapoor from Mumbai says, “Bisexual people don’t get much acceptance and that’s why they need a partner who is understanding and compassionate. Someone who will take the effort to be an ally instead of someone who takes advantage of their partner’s sexuality to fulfill their fantasies.”
4. Don’t Ask Them Which Gender They Prefer
Bisexual people often talk about how heterosexual people quiz them on which gender they prefer, but isn’t that a tad bit stupid? I mean, bisexuality literally means they’re attracted to both genders. But when your partner asks you this question, it’s not just uncomfortable but it also makes you wonder if your partner ever even accepted you with your sexuality.
Speaking about it, Ananya Singh says, “Most bisexual people consider themselves to always be bisexual, no matter who they are dating at the time. Do not suggest that they are heterosexual if they are in a relationship with a person of a different gender, or that they are gay if they are in a same-gender relationship.”
Janett adds, “People literally need to stop asking their Bi partners if they ‘prefer sex with men or women’. If you are in a relationship with them, you must always assume that they prefer you, isn’t that obvious?”
5. Don’t Suggest Threesomes!
Considering that Bisexual people are attracted to both men and women, it’s not uncommon for their partner to suggest threesomes but think about this, would you be quick to suggest a threesome if your partner was straight? You wouldn’t. So, why suggest it now? Just because your girlfriend also likes women, it’s not okay to ask her to kiss a girl for your pleasure. That’s just cheap.
Natasha Kapoor says, “If I had a dollar for every time a man asked me to kiss a girl or suggested a threesome, I would be a Billionaire. Heterosexual people really need to stop sexualising bisexual people and be more respectful. Yes, I can kiss a girl but I believe in monogamy and doing that (even for your pleasure) would be against my values and principles. So, how about no?”
Janette shares, “I have openly been asked for nudes because people just assume that Bi people are loose like that. My dating app bio reads ‘I’m not into threesomes’ thanks to all the people who have propositioned me.”
6. Educate Yourself
The one thing that every single queer person will tell a heterosexual is to read up and educate themselves.
Akira says, “Heterosexual people should strive to educate themselves about bisexual people and understand how biphobia from heterosexual people and from within the Queer community itself affects their bisexual partners negatively.”
“Work on understanding bisexuality and being there for your partner, and if realise that your bi-phobia doesn’t let you get there, be straight with your partner and let them go. They deserve better, friend,” adds Ashish Kapoor.
Janette says, “Work hard to learn more about bisexuality, educate yourself and support your partners in their journey towards self-discovery and of ‘coming out’ because they can be scary enough anyway. Support them instead of adding to these complicated emotions.”
As heterosexual people, we do have a certain privilege when it comes to dating and relationships and it’s time that we go beyond awareness and learn about our partner’s sexuality instead of expecting them to simply spoon-feed us the information.