10 Thoughts Every Girl Has In Woman-On-Top Sex Position
In the 90s’ Bollywood movies, they painted a picture of women as virginal beings, the keepers of everyone’s honour. They were shown as timid creatures who like to be submissive and obey the men. It’s nothing but a load of bullshit. Women like to take charge. In fact, I feel the best relationships are those in which the woman has an upper hand.
All of that is cool, outside the bedroom. At least in my case. When it comes to sex, my lazy ass hates the woman-on-top sex position but then again, sometimes you just have to. You know, he is human and he gets tired from doing all the sexy work. Also, they say you must explore other sex positions so here we are, trying to be an adventurous couple. What’s wrong with the plain old missionary? But then again, with the woman-on-top sex position you are also in charge of your own orgasms as you can control the pace and pressure. So I guess once I get the used to it, there are only good things awaiting me. For instance, wild orgasms and possibly, weight loss. Here are 10 thoughts we have when we are in woman-on-top sex position.
1) Okay, this feels like cardio
How does he be on top for so long and not get tired? This feels like I am on a treadmill, gasping for breath, except here I have to be all sexy too.
2) For how long am I supposed to do this?
Time feels like it’s slowed down and 5 minutes seem like forever. Once, I had a movie playing in the background and I felt like the movie and I reached climax at the same time.
3) Will I look selfish if we switch positions already?
Nobody wants to like a jerk in bed. But seriously, I want to feel the comfort of bed against my back and have him do all the ins-and-outs. I would totally trade it for a back massage from me.
4) Do I look sexy or do I look like I am riding a camel?
It’s really difficult to look all sexy while trying to catch your breath so you don’t collapse on his penis. I don’t even know how it turns him on when I am simply looking like am riding a camel, in the middle of a desert. At this point, what I really want is a snack.
5) Sex and the city didn’t tell us this is so tiring
When I tried this position for the first time, I took the inspiration from Charlotte from Sex And The City. Except, she looked like a queen riding her man while I just look like the person they show in ads of cholesterol-free sunflower oil. Not the healthy version but the hyperventilating version they warn you against. What is this sorcery?
6) What am I supposed to do with my hands?
He can extend his hands to you and you can intertwine your fingers with his and take support. But umm, for how long can we be in the same position? At this point, this feels like we are in a boomerang shot.
7) Okay, we are forced to make constant eye-contact. This is awkward.
You really have no choice but to stare into each other’s eyes while you ride him. Like it would really rude and stupid to look anywhere else. Can you look at the ceiling, the floor, his chest? You can’t, without seeming like the female version of Ted Bundy. Just continue making eye contact, until he’s so awkward, he decides to get on top.
8) But wait, this is actually good for my orgasms
I know this is tiring but am also getting to control the rhythm and the pressure. I don’t have to sound like a set-top box’s instruction manual by constantly guiding him to my G-spot.
9) I guess a little exercise never hurt anyone
If I am getting explosive orgasms, then I am cool with working out a little. But this is all the exercise I am engaging in. Don’t expect me to actually go for the yearly gym membership I paid for.
10) Seriously though, I need to read up more on these woman-on-top sex positions
Maybe I have been so lazy all my life that I never bothered to master these sex positions for hard-working, active people. But turns out, these aren’t so bad and maybe with a little knowledge, a little practise I can nail it and him perfectly!