Valentine’s Day is coming and no advertisement, cafe, or social media can stop us from forgetting that. This sartorial portrayal of love seems dreamy from a distance but manifests into a nightmare for anxious people. The pressure to have a perfect romantic experience, coupled with a heightened need for validation, can make even small interactions feel deeply significant. The fear of uncertainty in a relationship becomes amplified, leading to overanalysis, reassurance-seeking, and even comparison with others.
But why does this happen, and how can individuals with an anxious attachment style—and their partners—navigate Valentine’s Day in a healthy, fulfilling way? We spoke with a psychologist to break it down.
Why Valentine’s Day Triggers Anxiety In People With Anxious Attachment
As an anxiously attached person myself, I too researched why this happens. According to reports, special days like such trigger the pre-existing fears of uncertainty about their partner’s feelings and the need for validation. According to therapist Ruchi Ruuh, “The societal pressure to have a ‘perfect’ romantic experience can lead them to overanalyse their relationship. This leads to comparison to how others are celebrating and a worry that their partner isn’t as invested as they are. Small things like a lack of enthusiasm from the partner might seem like the doom of the relationship.”
So, while one might feel that their partner is too needy or clingy, they’re just looking for the emotional insecurity that stems from inconsistent caregiving during childhood. Their expectations may seem intense, but they stem from a deep-seated fear of unpredictability in relationships, not an unreasonable desire for grand gestures. Their anxiety isn’t about not trusting their partner, but rather a broader fear that love is unstable or conditional.
Navigating Through Anxiety With Your Partner
If this year, your partner asks you about your plans on Valentine’s Day or constantly drops hints about how much the day means to them, handle it differently. While they may expect more verbal affirmations of love, overanalyse their partner’s responses, or even test their partner’s commitment, excessive reassurance-seeking can create pressure in the relationship.
According to Ruchi, doing things like offering proactive reassurance before the anxiety escalates, and clearing expectations set for the day for example plans and availability to reduce uncertainty or disappointment can help. Along with open communication as well as not dismissing their feelings by laughing at them.
Also Read: The Psychology Of Valentine’s Day: Why Love Hits Different On February 14th
How You Can Help Yourself
Take charge of your experience by preparing something enjoyable for yourself or with others. Communicate your needs rather than implying or anticipating a huge gesture. Create a personal ritual to make the day feel unique. Reframing the meaning of the day might be beneficial too.
We know it’s hard but go off social media if you tend to compare; instead of focusing on other people’s celebrations, find a deeper meaning for this day for yourself. Finally, believe in your love and your partner even when it seems hard.
Also Read: Valentine’s Day 2025: Importance And History Behind The Celebration Of Love!