#Relationships: 7 Things I Worked On After Every Relationship That Made Me A Better Partner And Improved My Love Life

I believe it’s very easy to bundle up the entire blame and put it on our current or ex-partners. It’s much easier to say he was such a jerk after a relationship ended than to figure where we went wrong. I wish I could just blame the universe for my bad dating decisions but that won’t solve anything for me. More often, a couple just falls apart due to the little things that perforate the happiness in their relationship. And those little things cannot be attributed to just one person. Thankfully, I have been good at reflecting on things from an unbiased perspective and after each relationship, I sort of worked on my own shortcomings. For instance, I was really possessive back in 2012 but I understand I must be more trusting because I have male friends too and I can keep it platonic. I worked on not becoming a girlfriend-zilla when angry.

Isn’t that the secret behind all long-lasting relationships? I am hoping it is because I have been really working on myself. It’s still work in progress and will remain so, as we continue to grow. In fact, my best friend had a tough first year of marriage as she and her husband fought a lot. But eventually, they worked their way through their individual toxicities to build a beautiful relationship together. So my point is, whether you’re single or taken, it’s never too late to figure out how we can work on ourselves.

1. Learning to give them space and not seeing it as a personal offence

I used to be someone who needs a lot of attention and affection. Okay, I still am. However, now I have evolved and I know when to step back. We need space to clear our head, to reflect on things, to rejuvenate, etc. Sometimes, it’s really not related to us that bae wants space. And sometimes, it may as well be related to us but that’s okay. It’s always better to take space and gather your thoughts. Honestly, it’s unfair to not give a person the space they need. Just remember how you feel when someone doesn’t understand your need for distancing yourself for a bit? Don’t take it personally; if he genuinely cares for you he will come around.

2. Not acting out on your moods and emotions

If I had a penny for each time I have reacted purely on the basis of my feelings, I would have been a millionaire right now. But hey, nobody will give me money for that because it isn’t always pleasant for the other person. When we say things impulsively, those come from a place of emotions, moods, and bias. But when you cool down and detach yourself from the situation, you will be able to give a more rational response.

3. Don’t overthink

Overthinking can be my middle name, except that would make people not befriend me. One diet we can’t follow but we will religiously overthink every night as if it will give us glowing skin or something. How about spending that time, actually investing in a nighttime routine? Don’t try to read too much into his actions; it’s a guy, not a secret NASA mission. And honestly, most of the things we end up assuming are incorrect. When he seemed lost the other day, he was probably upset about having to eat lauki for dinner. Let’s not even get there.

4. Communicating and not bottling things up

This is literally the most important thing in a relationship and yet we do it with the same inefficiency as Trump is running a country. When we were in school, we had to communicate with the teacher if we wanted to use the washroom. I don’t even want to point out what happened to those who didn’t. So let’s not crap all over your relationship and talk it out, like mature adults. No, the fact that you lick Nutella straight from the bottle doesn’t excuse you from acting like an adult. So as difficult as it may be, communication must happen but without blame games and name-calling. It will not just help you avoid an emotional explosion but also understand each other’s perspective better. It’s not like people don’t care; it’s that they don’t understand where the other person is coming from.

5. Be independent

There’s nothing wrong with being a little co-dependent in a relationship. In the end, you are a team and you have each other’s back. But if you feel like you are not able to do things without him, then it’s where you have to draw the line. My ex didn’t want to do several things that I liked doing and since our partners have first dibs over our weekends, I ended up doing none of those things for a very long time. But then I was like this isn’t happening and I decided I have to make myself happy, even if it’s without him. Do things you like, with other people or solo. Here’s the thing – he’s your boyfriend, not your limb; you won’t become immobile without him.

6. Not letting jealousy infiltrate your relationship

Research on romantic jealousy in relationships says, “It is known that the more amount of perceived affection in the relationship, the less jealous response.” But what is jealousy even? “Romantic jealousy is an emotion awakened by a threat and generates a behavior of opposition to the threat, which is associated negatively to satisfaction in the relationship,” the study reads. Putting two and two together, it can be concluded that usually, jealousy comes from feeling insecure or not desired enough in a relationship. And in turn, it creates a further dent in your relationship satisfaction. This is why it’s better to deal with the real issue rather than allowing mistrusting thoughts to penetrate your mind because that has no end.

ALSO READ: Break Up Or Fix It But Don’t Make These Mistakes When Your Relationship Isn’t Working Out

7. Drawing boundaries is also important so you don’t give up too much of yourself

All that is okay, but we are not preparing to become doormats. We are preparing to have a mature relationship that requires your partner to be equally responsible to be good at being a partner. Also, while you’re being considerate about him, it’s important you protect your own interests as well. If you’re not comfortable with something, make sure you let him know that and then be firm. Know where to put your foot down. In fact, he needs to give you space as well. You need to have your own time and a life outside this relationship. And he has to understand.

ALSO READ: 5 Reasons Being Vocal About Your Needs Can Transform Your Dating Life