A Woman Married A Briefcase After Giving Up On Men. Apparently, It Had No Commitment Issues And Communicated Well.
Last year, my best friend had some serious concerns regarding my perception of the dating pool and the consequent minimal chances of me wanting to go for one of them. She was worried that after being shocked with the existence of my ex’s terrible side in the relationship and then falling for someone who would want to “keep it casual”, I am just off men. I was, I won’t lie. But now I have just made peace with the fact that finding that special guy who is not misogynistic, affectionate and good at sex will be difficult. However, it will happen in time and I must keep my heart open to possibilities. There I was, on the verge of giving up on dating men and now I am willing to open the channel for a deserving candidate. This woman, however, gave up on men altogether and decided to fall for a briefcase instead. *takes a moment to digest this fact*
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So here goes. A 24-year-old Russian woman married a briefcase because apparently, it didn’t have any commitment issues, you see. In fact, she has gone ahead and said that her husband, is the love of her life. The woman, Rain Gordon, is from Moscow and seems to have objectophilia, a romantic and sexual attraction for objects.
The nutcase and briefcase met five years ago in 2015 in a hardware store because apparently, that’s where they sell husbands now. Her husband’s name is Gideon and they dated for a while before making things official after they shared their first hug and kiss. You see, they wanted to take it slow sexually so they waited a few months. Not like most of us who’d want to throw our panties at bae almost as soon as he brushes a strand of hair off our face.
What? Are you wondering how they have conversations like regular husbands and wives do? Gordon can hear him, so others may think she is talking to herself but hello, briefcases can talk or so she thinks. “Our spiritual connection and communication is shown telepathically. I hear him and he hears me, but from the outside it looks like a monologue. Gideon is more than a partner to me. He is a husband, a friend, and a mentor. His moral support helps me more than anyone. Sometimes I feel like Gideon knows me better than I do,” Gordon said.
Like they say, it’s okay to talk to things. You get to vent without any judgement from your listener. The trouble is when they start talking back.
In fact, she said her relationships with men weren’t as satisfying as her relationship with Gideon, her briefcase husband. In 2017, she dated a man but how can a human being give you the kind of connection and love a briefcase can give? Nope, it doesn’t meet her high dating standards.
“My fascination with objects began at the age of eight. From my childhood I believed that a soul is embedded in objects, as well as everything around us. I believe in animism, which means that there is life in everything. During my childhood and early teenage years, I fell in love with places such as the new shopping centre that opened in my city. I knew that it was wrong, and beyond the norms of society. I didn’t tell anyone,” she explained.
I have questions. While she can hear him talk, how does she know it’s a guy and not a woman? Maybe the briefcase is female and she is in a lesbian relationship. No? Okay, then. What about the longevity of the briefcase? Has she invested in a sturdy one or will she become a widow quite early in life?
She told Ladbible, “I always have and always will choose him. For me, objects – although I don’t really like using that word – really are better than people.” She added, “In May, just before my birthday, I received a gift that I could not even dream of. I got a proposal. I happily agreed and made an order for wedding rings, with individual engravings for myself and for him.” The briefcase proposed? That’s believable.
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Last year, a woman announced that she wants to marry a plane, which is supposedly the love of her life too. Apparently, they’ve been dating for the past six years. In fact, she revealed that she fell in love with his “Jetwings” and “thrusters”. Well, those thrusters aren’t going to give her any pleasure. She told LadBible, “The time in the hangar was the most beautiful moment of my life and when I was with him, we enjoyed our time together, we kissed and I caressed him. I plan to move into the hangar one day and my biggest dream is to be with Schatz and to live with him. I also want to marry him in the hangar and spend the whole night with him.”
Give human beings a chance; they aren’t so bad!
