I started dating when I was 16 and since then, it has meant different things to me, at different times. My first relationship was sweet, and awfully cheesy to some, but did I care? All that mattered to me was how he played the piano and sang the sweetest songs for me. It was special and devoid of any kind of egoistic adulteration. Maybe that’s why, we are still friends and hold no grudges against each other.
Of course, I grew up (maybe not as much as I thought I would) and I looked at relationships differently. I wasn’t looking for love but I stumbled upon it anyway and this was the first time I fell in love. But this time, it wasn’t as much about whispering sweet nothings than about helping each other make headway into a thriving future. If he had to be away for most of the year for work, it was okay. On the other hand, he encouraged me in my career and made me more secure with myself. It was the healthiest relationship and when it ended, I went on a dating rampage to overcome it. I intoxicated myself with alcohol and casual dates that were great but with little or no potential.
I don’t do that anymore but I did go on dates until recently. Right now, I am exhausted and I feel I wouldn’t want to go on official dates anymore. I mean, I am cool with meeting people, letting my hair down and go with the flow. But for the love of God and for my long-lasting dry spell, I can’t get my ass to being set up. Here’s why.
1) He can turn out to be boring and a waste of my makeup
I used to dress up all fancy and shit for dates. Today, that’s a practise best left for special events and when I really feel like it, which isn’t very often. Other times, I look my homeless best. So if I go all the way to actually look like I have a home and all that, he better be worth it. If he is dull, he will have to pay for the dinner all by himself and for my Uber back home. And maybe buy me a bottle of tequila to gulp down the dull conversations I wish we hadn’t had.
2) Or he can charm the pants off me and break my heart two months later
But the night can also go really well and I can begin to enjoy his company. What if he speaks a romance language my heart finds erotic? He may know his moves all too well – he can start off with making me laugh, give me a compliment that balances cheesiness and innovation, and then he can move a strand of hair off, of my face. But history says, this guy loves his freedom and after weeks of making me fall for him, he will tell me how he needs to focus on himself.
3) The worst scenario can be that I get killed
A date with a random dude I met online can possibly end up in crime, with me being on the receiving end of a powerful stab. Now, that’s not my definition of romance and if that’s what it takes to get some action, I’ll would rather happily choose to do myself, in the comfort and safety of my own bed.
4) Or we hook up but he gets obsessed
It’s really hard to get a guy off your back! If I wanted to be texted constantly and asked to meet that often, I would have been in a relationship right now. Who knows how far these stalker lovers can go? I’ll just watch You on Netflix and let real life be devoid of such twists and turns.
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5) We can also fall in love, get into a relationship and break up two years later
What if he is amazing? What if our madness for each other is even and cupid, for once, isn’t screwing with us? We’d get into a relationship and most likely break up because it’s always been like that. Or we may not break up and get married and have babies and live happily ever after. Also, this is the best joke I have cracked in a while. The possibility of such a scenario playing out is so bleak that I feel stupid even thinking about it.