Forget Sex Education, Indian Parents Fail At Teaching Consent To Their Kids!
As a desi kid, we’ve all had moments when our parents have asked us to do things we didn’t want to and we were left with no choice but to do it. In most cases, it’s really something silly that our parents asked us to do that makes us angry. It could be as simple as changing and showing up in front of the relatives to being pushed into talking to them or giving them free hugs. And while these things may seem petty, the truth is that they’re actually things that affect our mindset in the long run. Think of it like this, your parents have violated your personal boundaries by asking you to do something that you do not consent to. And no, I’m not talking about the petty stuff like asking you to change what you’re wearing or forcing you to do a household chore. I’m talking about bigger things like asking you to sing for relatives or give them a hug.
Why Don’t Indian Parents Teach Their Kids Consent?
For the longest time, we’ve all known that Indian parents are uncomfortable with the idea of speaking to their kids about sex and imparting sex education to them but what’s worse is that they epically fail at teaching their kids about consent as well. And we all know the problem our country has with consent. This reminds me of an incident. A few years ago, I went to my hometown to visit my Masi (mom’s sister, my maternal aunt) and my cousin. During the time I was there, I noticed that they shared a family-like relationship with the landlord and his family and he would often pick up my 10-year-old cousin or make her sit in his lap and that made me extremely uncomfortable. Brushing everything aside, I went up to my Masi and asked her if she has spoken to my cousin about good touch and bad touch. And her response left me horrified. My Masi told me, “She’s too young to be taught about good touch and bad touch.” While I did take a moment to digest that, I also called out my Masi for failing to teach her kid good touch and bad touch and pointed out that teaching her about it earlier would’ve been better and explained how important it is.
Anyhow, it ended with my Masi refusing to educate her own daughter and asking me, as an elder sister, to do it because “yeh sab baatein badi behen samjhati hai”. You see the problem here? Indian parents blatantly refuse to discuss sex or touch or anything even close to it forget talking about consent or educating their kids about it. Now as problematic as that is, Indian parents have been doing much worse than just not teaching consent.
Why Do Indian Parents Violate Our Consent?
As a kid in an Indian household, we’ve all had moments when our parents asked us to dance in front of some relative or give someone a hug even when we didn’t want to. TBH this is much more common in Indian households than we’d like to accept. We’ve all heard our parents say, “Beta, aunty ko hug karo”, “Beta, uncle ko poem sunao”, “Beta, uncle ko dance karke dikhao” and whatnot. As kids, we have lived without agency over our own bodies. By asking us to hug someone or dance in front of someone when we didn’t want to, Indian parents taught us that our consent is not always important enough. Physical affection isn’t comfortable when we meet someone new. More importantly, isn’t it supposed to be our choice who we hug and kiss and show physical affection to? What’s worse is that in most cases, the other adults in this situation did not just back off. They stood by and watched a child’s consent being violated to please them with a hug. By doing this, Indian families taught their kids the exact opposite of consent. What they should’ve been doing instead was teaching their kids to build boundaries and respect boundaries.
But Why The Double Standards?
In order to fit into the cultural norms, our parents forgot to hold back for a second and understand that we may not be comfortable with a certain gesture or physical affection. And this point, we’re all so used to uncomfortable, forced hugs that it hardly affects us but that’s not how it should be, hai na? Physical affection should always be a choice but it has never been the case. But we’ve been repeatedly told that hugging a relative is not a choice but dare you hug a friend of the opposite gender and your parents will judge your behaviour and even ground you!
Also Read: How ‘House Of The Dragon’ Episode 4 Tackles Female Pleasure And Consent Through The Female Gaze
There’s so much judgement around platonic intimacy that our generation has with their friends. If you hug your friends of the opposite gender, you’re looked down upon but an uninvited touch from a relative is completely fine. Some double standards, huh?
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